


After All

by Marsonist



Category: 2jae - Fandom, GOT7
Genre: Complete, Denial of Feelings, Difficult Decisions, Hyung line is now Maknae line, Jaebeom is an angel, Jaebeom wants Youngjae to be happy, M/M, Maknae line is now hyung line, Mentioned Other K-pop Artist(s), Older!Youngjae, Post-Divorce, Younger!Jaebeom, Youngjae wanted to be alone, YugBam as a secondary but supportive couple, youngjae pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-07-07 02:50:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 38,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15899394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marsonist/pseuds/Marsonist
Summary: Youngjae was a divorced old man (as he usually refers to himself), he was getting used to be lonely and he thought it will be like that forever until he meets Jaebeom, a kid with sparkling eyes that reminded him about his crushed dreams.Jaebeom wasn't agree with Youngjae. Why shouldn't he be happy? Was he too young to understand it?





	1. How old do you think I am?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is my first work on this platform and is the first time I write a whole story in english (which isn't my native language). I'm so nervous, please enjoy!

After a little fight with one of his best friends, after feeling guilty because it was his best friends’ wedding, after many calls asking ─begging─ for his attendance, after his mom called crying because he could be lonely all his life, after all; he was there, applauding and smiling truly happy because his friend was marrying the love of his life but feeling empty. He was wishing to get back home: to his apartment, his little studio, with a glass of wine, his dog and comfy pajamas.

 

Choi Youngjae was a simple person: natural brown-haired but he had it golden blonde (his friends’ suggestion), cute visage and angelical smile. Summer was his favorite season, since he hated cold weather, and liked every type of food but cucumber. He was a music composer but worked as a freelancer helping people to make or fix musical pieces. A "divorced old man" as he usually referred to himself, who preferred to be lonely all his life that meeting new people that might hurt him. That’s what he used to think.

 

"Please, Youngjae" his married friend was talking to him, "don't make me feel bad. Go and enjoy the party. You're one of the main reasons I'm marrying Yugyeom today. You deserve to be happy. There are a lot of people willing to meet you".

_Of course, but at the end they will leave_ , he thought to himself. He smiled shortly on response.

"I will, I promise" Said to stop his friend worries. His friend gave up, he sighed and looked at Youngjae a last time, gave him a pat on the shoulder and then walked toward his husband with a sad face that made the blonde one feel guiltier. That’s why he didn’t want to come.

 

The composer stood on his feet and went for a glass of water. It was true, many ladies smiled at him but he was too distracted to notice them. He was thinking about his music and the amount of commissiond he got thanks to a social media post. It was crazy, a week ago he was wondering how he was going to pay rent, now he had work for months. That was great; the more he worked the less he would think about unnecessary things. He was doing fine, alone. And he was willing to continue in that way until that night.

 

The sound of a dropped microphone took him out of his mind. He turned around at the little stage in front of the ballroom and noticed a young man apologizing probably because he dropped the mic stand. The blonde man went in front of the tables and kept watching curiously. When they finished with all the cables, the young man talked "So..." everyone shut down their comments about the handsome singer, and yes he was kind of handsome, Youngjae thought: a bit taller than him, black hair and cute smile "Uh... This one’s for the happy couple".

 

The music started and for some reason the divorced old man was interested. Once the young boy started to sing it was totally worth it: a nice and slow melody embraced his ears, the singer’s voice sounded almost perfect invading his head, it made him feel happy and that probably was the main purpose of the song. He glanced over his married friends dancing together. He smiled at them thinking that they were the only couple whom he could trust they will love each other forever. Even with so many fights they had in the past, so many disagreements or so many opinion differences, they had care for each other since they met and that was something Youngjae really valued a lot. When his eyes went back on stage, he found the younger boy looking at him.

 

Youngjae froze.

 

The singer could look younger but Youngjae felt overwhelmed. The boy glance was so intense; his movements with the mic stand were seductive just as the music. Suddenly he felt the song was meant to him: “Come closer, I want to meet you”. He couldn't take it any longer so he turned to the opposite direction and sat near a table with more glasses of water. The music ended but it kept ringing on his head even over the loud crew cheering to the handsome boy. He untied the first button of his shirt and took some more water. 

"Choi Youngjae-ssi" said a familiar tone of voice. The one mentioned turned his head at the calling and it was his current greatest fear: the singer. "I recognized you from that viral song" said the young man so enthusiastically and the elder couldn't hide a sided smile. The boy was cute. "You can call me Jaebeom. Can I take a seat?" Youngjae couldn't speak properly. He just pointed at a chair near of him approving the kid's request. "Are you ok?" the boy asked. 

"Uh… Yes. I was just thinking about your song" he confessed. 

"Oh. Really? Did you like it? That’s what I wanted to ask. I loved the song you shared yesterday; I checked all your other works too. When I saw you looking at me I immediately thought about asking a fellow musician about my work. Well, this one's not mine, but... what do you think about my voice?" he talked so fast; the other was overthinking so many things that missed some words and felt lost for a minute. "I'm sorry" the black-haired one said chuckling "I'm just glad to meet you. Is surprising how you managed to make such amazing songs being so young"

If the elder man would have been drinking water, he would have spat it all over the table. Instead he just laughed open and loudly, it ended clearing his throat after noticing a smiley Jaebeom.

"Uh… How old do you think I am?" blondie man was wondering.

"I don't know: 22, 23?"

"I'm 31 years old"

There was silence. Youngjae was expecting the boy to run away, at least to laugh a last time and say he was busy with something else and then say good bye.

**The boy stayed.**

"Wow" Jaebeom finally spoke.

"Yeah"

"But that doesn't change how amazing the song is"

"I'm getting tired to hear that"

"Why? Don't you like it?"

"I do but..." he sighed. Youngjae left the glass over the table and covered his face with both hands, like he was getting a headache, maybe because he was thinking again about how old he was and that he shouldn’t be talking to 'Jaebeom'. He never felt like this before, he was just a boy with nice teeth and amazing voice.

"Oh, and you're married?" Jaebeom asked after notice the ring on Youngjae’s finger.

"No. This is, is just for my nerves…" said shyly playing with the golden circle in his fingers. He was telling part of the true.

"I see." he said cutely smiling again. Why was that boy smiling?

"It was nice to meet you but I have to go" the elder one cursed himself, he didn't wanted to leave.

"Wait!" Jaebeom held the other's arm. "I was thinking about... it would be amazing if you could listen some of my own songs".

"You're nice, but I don't think we should..."

"Why?"

"I think you're too young for..."

"I'm 21 and I'm just asking for guidance not a date"

Youngjae face turned red and he thanked the flashy lights were covering his miserable existence. He sighed.

"I'm sorry..."

"Please. Just a few songs, then I’ll let you free" 

 

 

In home Youngjae fell on the couch with his back facing the roof and covering his mouth partially with a pillow. Looking at his cellphone and the new contact he acquired "Jaebeom" he whispered reading it on the screen together with the boy's phone number. 

How was this possible?

What was he thinking?

Why was he feeling like this?

When will he be meeting this boy again?

He squished his face over the pillow to silence his frustration because in the inside, in the VERY inside, he was feeling happy after all.


	2. Do you like me?

He was full of commissions, job equals money so he couldn’t be more grateful; anyhow, he had so little time from himself, to play video games for example, or to take his little doggie for a walk or to message his friends (even though they were on their honeymoon anyway).

 

 _“I’ll wait for your call”_ was Jaebeom last words. He wasn’t going to call him just to give him bad news… But also he didn’t wanted Jaebeom to think he wasn’t interested on him─ his work. They liked and commented each other’s posts on Instagram sometimes but nothing beyond normal. It wasn’t the same as having him on person. But why was he worrying so much? The black-haired one probably had millions of people to reach for guidance. It wasn’t his problem. The kid, HE was a problem, a huge problem. His music at that moment was the most outstanding evidence. Nothing was working correctly: he glared at his music sheets over and over again trying to connect a bridge but nothing seemed to fit as he wanted. He needed at least the piece on the table to be finished by tomorrow.

 

“Screw it” shouted out loud throwing the papers all over the place, he was planning to talk to the client tomorrow and ask for more time anyway. He needed to clear his head, sleep a little and then maybe tomorrow start again from zero. Now he was sit on the middle of the room in silence. He could call Jaebeom and tell him how busy he─ **NO**. 

 

He refused to call him. How were they supposed to meet again? They would talk about music and then say goodbye? Judging by his cover; Jaebeom was handsome, so probably had dozens of girls chasing after him; he looked like having good social skills; he had a nice voice so probably money wouldn't be a problem to him if it was his job. So why was he worrying that much? 

 

This was the reason: Jaebeom looked like him; obviously, some years ago. The young one had that sparkling look of excitement while talking about music that reminded him how crazy he was back then dropping Business School and joining to an Art Academy. When everybody told him (spat on his face) that he wouldn’t be successful. And they were right, he didn’t succeed immediately; it took him time and he was worried about that smile. 

 

“That’s it…”

 

Like lightning, something hit his brain. ‘That’ part now had sense. He looked quickly for a piece of paper and a pen, sat behind the synthesizer one more time and didn’t sleep until he finished the melody that Jaebeom smile brought to his mind. 

 

 

It's 20 minutes past 10 pm. He was getting late to the appointment he himself arranged with Jaebeom. He looked one more time at his watch wishing the time to stop so he could cross the busy street to get his ass into the restaurant because he was also freezing outside. Why did he take so long choosing the same freaking clothes he wears all the freaking time? Besides, he covered all of that with his favorite long black coat. He wasted a lot of time. 

 

“I’m just going to thank him” he thought out loud. No, he was just going to check the kid’s music to return the favor and then say good bye forever. Thanks to the young one he finished all the songs of the month, but he would never admit it that night. 

 

Finally he crossed the door victorious and as expected it was warm inside. He looked around until a familiar hand waved at him. The boy was now with his black hair brushed up letting Youngjae see his forehead, a black denim jacket over a white T-shirt and of course dark blue jeans and sneakers. ‘Typical for his age’ he thought. 

 

“Youngjae-hyung!” there he was with that smile, Jaebeom offered him to sit and so he did.

“Hi, Def” he said too happily emphasizing the last word, he almost showed his embarrassment but kept a straight smile.

“Stop making fun of my nickname. I worked really hard to choose one, you know?” he laughed. “And you didn’t follow me back. I’m sad”.

“You have a cool nickname. I almost never check my mentions anyway, also if I follow you back would be dangerous, so many people would freak out. And please, just call me Youngjae”

“So… Youngjae” he smiled one more time. “Thanks for messaging me, after so long I was afraid you wouldn't do it. I’m happy to see you again”.

“I was busy” he mumbled scratching his neck embarrassed because he had so many chances to let him know, Jaebeom said he shouldn’t be sorry anyway.

 

It was a nice place, Youngjae's favorite in town: quiet and warm, there was piano music at the distance and just a few other people around them. A waitress checked on them if they wanted to order and after a few recommendations they decided for the Chef’s special. Youngjae, who took off his coat before seating down, now was playing with the long sleeves of his shirt and the golden ring on his finger. He was nervous, scared to glace over the boy in front of him. Would it be weird to ask about Jaebeom’s piercings? What about the moles over his eyelid? Was he allowed to ask about anything? They talked to each other so easily through online chat, why was so difficult face to face? 

 

“Youngjae, are you listening to me?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. This is… I just…” he was lost again.

“I was asking about your shirt” he repeated for Youngjae. “Gunshot Shelter; I like that band”

“Really?” it took him a moment to understand but now he was truly surprised “How do you know them?”

“I have all their physical albums” the taller one answered proudly.

“No way”

“I can shove it into your face any time” both laughed together, finally.

“They’re such a good band!” Youngjae moaned.

“I know! I wish I have been able to meet them back then, they’re over now”.

“I know, I assisted to their last concert” he replied presumptuously.

“No way!” and again they laughed.

 

The food came in and Youngjae was feeling more comfortable talking about stuff he liked, common questions like his motivations, his goals, since when he fell in love with music, when he started to make music by his own and more questions the other one was curious about. Those types of questions were easy to answer because he could lie or just tell part of the truth. 

 

“O-oh, I’m sorry, I’m talking too much” he realized, “I’m supposedly here to listen to your new tracks, so go ahead”

“Don’t worry, just give me a minute”.

 

Jaebeom pulled up his backpack to take out his wireless white headphones and sync them to his cellphone; he gave those to Youngjae (who was eating the last part of his meal) and then looked for the music on his device. With the headphones on, Youngjae felt the other’s eyes watching over him excited. His cheeks were turning warm so he closed his own eyes trying to concentrate on the melody. Now in his mind, the music was good, the structure was simple but interesting as how he mixed the tones and played with his voice to give to it a mystical atmosphere. The music ended. 

 

“You’re the first person who listen the complete song” Jaebeom said.

“Oh, I feel honored” was the answer while he was opening his eyes.

“No, I mean… Well, of course is an honor for me but… you’re the first person who actually listens to the entire song. So many people declined it since the beginning”

“Are you serious? Why?”

“I don't know! Well, some of them said it was “too foreign” or “predictable” for the industry and they dropped it”

“I can’t see why. It sounds good… there some parts we─ I mean, you could fix a little and besides your voice is amazing” he felt he was saying too much, the boy just smiled.

“Thank you” he answered relieved and then hid his face putting it between his arms which were resting over the table. Youngjae once again thought he was cute.

 

The desserts came in and they kept talking about the track Jaebeom just showed, then about Gunshot Shelter and other bands, Youngjae was explaining how their music was composed and how they really worked out to each audience; Jaebeom was enjoying every single word and shared his perspective at some points. After they finished, Youngjae was overthinking again ‘How kids say goodbye now a days?’ 

 

"Do you mind if I take a picture with you?" he asked to Youngjae. "Just to accomplish my life goals" both of them chuckled at that. 

"If is really a life goal, I think is fine I guess" he laughed at himself; it was stupid to be so shy over a picture. Jaebeom took the selfie and posted it almost immediately on instagram. The blonde one received the notification of the tag and opened the application, for a second he felt like his body was covered by hot sauce. Jaebeom caption was: 

 

**[ #2JAE together #succedingasafanboy ]**

The taller one only smiled widely after noticing Youngjae suffering: his red cheeks and eyes confused while reading his post. Youngjae was feeling on the air. The photo was cute, that caption was cute and Jaebeom was cute. Why was he letting that boy takes his heart like that. He wasn't a teenager anymore; he was supposed to be the adult able to control his emotions. 

 

**[ OMG SOOOOOOO CUUUUUUTE ]**

**[ #2jae is my new OTP everybody ]**

**[ Happy for you, Youngjae-oppa! ]**

**[ JB-oppa niceeee! ]**

 

Those were some of the comments on the post that Youngjae kept watching for a while, his cheeks were hurting for smiling too much; he couldn't help it, his chest was about to burst until he checked some other type of comments:

 

**[ There's no way they are dating. Just look on google how old Youngjae is ]**

**[ I didn't know yonjae liked to flirt with kids he looked so cute now im scared he is gonna rape Jb or something JB deserves better #JBwatchout ]**

 

"I should get going" whispered to Jaebeom while retuning his phone back to his jeans pocket.

"Eh? Why?"

"I, I don't feel ok"

"I... I can take you home if you don't feel good"

"Don't bother" said faking a smile. Youngjae stood up, thanked for the food and walked away. It was obvious something went wrong, but Jaebeom couldn't figure it out how he was supposed to help him. You could say Youngjae was practically running away. 

 

 

 

A quiet and cold night covered a sad Youngjae who was trying to enter into his car. The key couldn’t fit into its place because his teary eyes didn't allow him to see. Millions of thoughts were squeezing the man's chest trying to convince him that everything will be just fine and by tomorrow everything will be back to normal. That’s what he wanted right? Never meet the boy again. Congratulation, he made it. 

 

He knew he was being stupid. Why was he feeling bad because of some comments from people he didn't even know? He suffered so many times with bullying back when he was young. He thought he already got over that bullshit, that he was strong enough to overcome all that. Now he left Jaebeom alone back there, for sure that was the last time they would meet. He just covered his face with both hands, looked up to the dark sky and yelled furiously. He was mad at himself and also he was cold. 

 

Then someone put on his shoulders the gigantic coat he was wearing before. He turned to look back and Jaebeom was there. The boy was careful; he didn't want to scare Youngjae again. 

 

"I just... You forgot your coat" Youngjae took a moment to understand and then turned away to look at the car door again trying to clean his eyes.

"Thank you" Youngjae whispered

"Youngjae?" his voice was so soft.

"What?"

"You... you still have my headphones on your neck"

"Oh. I'm sorry" he took the device off and then gave it back to Jaebeom without looking at him.

"Not a problem, I’ll be more careful the next time. I promise" with that now Youngjae was facing him confused. Did he say he wanted a next time?

"Why are you doing this?" Youngjae asked with a knot on his throat.

"Because I like you" was said with no hesitation. The shorter one felt his knees weak, with open wide eyes kept looking to the boy who was starting to blush "I mean... I mean I like you as a friend. I, well I like _**You**_ as well, but If you don't like _men_ is fine. I was expecting to be only a friend of yours anyway. I think you're awesome, you're funny, you seem to have the same taste on music as me, I think you..."

"Stop" Youngjae beg. "Why would you want this?"

"What are you talking about?" Jaebeom now seemed confused.

"I'm a divorced old man!" he started to yell again, he was only mad at himself though. " **DIVORCED** , my ex-wife left because I became a boring person trying to reach a musician career; **OLD** , you already know I'm 31 years old; **MAN... I’M A MAN** ; and so you are! You read those comments, didn't you? Imagine what your friends and family would say. What about your music career? You're really good; you can make it without me." 

 

It looked like slow motion when Youngjae felt wrapped by Jaebeom arms; he fought a little and gave up after a few seconds now placing his face over the other's chest. There were no more tears on his eyes, but he felt the need to hide his face. He didn't even remember when was the last time someone hug him like that (or dared to hug him). The sound of a fast heartbeat bumping on his head calm him down. 

 

"Youngjae? Can I ask…? Do you like me?"

"There's no way" he answered and Jaebeom giggled quietly.

The emotional old man realized he was still holding Jaebeom so he push him and stepped back as someone scared and full of indecisions. Now he was cold again. "Eh… I'm sorry you had to watch all of this. Now I really have to go. I'm ok, don't worry" he said the last part after noticing the serious glance from Jaebeom.

"Would text me when you get home?" the young one requested.

"Yes, mom"

"Promise me"

"I promise, JB" Jaebeom smiled.

"What?" Youngjae asked.

"Please let go of my shirt"

"Oh, yeah" he did with all the blood of his body rushing through his face. He ran to open his car (shortly celebrating his key went in). Youngjae glanced one more time through the window to wave his hand and then he rush calmly to his home. 

 

It wasn’t a bad idea coming to see Jaebeom after all.


	3. Are you crazy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay!  
> Actually is an early update because I confused my days off, but here you go, please enjoy!

“What are you talking about? Are you crazy?” a young man asked panicked.

“I think he would be really helpful” Jaebeom replayed to his friend. They were inside a small audio studio which belonged to Park Jinyoung, Jaebeom’s friend. He was a Business Administration student. He was going to be the family company inheritor and he was freaking out because the taller one out of nowhere requested to add a new member to their project.

 

There were also two more people with them: 

Jackson Wang, he was born to be an Olympic Athlete. He had won so many golden medals for his young age but secretly since little his dream was to be a singer and when he met Jaebeom he felt for the first time that maybe his dream would become true. He was easy going and adding how good he was with languages he was an essential part for the team and Jaebeom’s evil plans. 

Mark Tuan, who was studying to be a Music Engineer, he really liked to be backstage where no one would bother him. He was the owner of most of the equipment in the room and his greatest dream was to open his very own radio station. He enjoyed help Jaebeom and the others on the making of new tracks, which was a plus to his friendship with them. 

Jaebeom was the only one out of college because he wasn’t interested. He was more than happy after he finished school and he wouldn’t want to go back to that “jail”. He was planning to live from street dance and singing competitions prizes. 

The four of them met two-three years ago and they didn’t even assist to the same college or live nearby, is a long story that we might be able to know in a future, for now let's just say they met at a nightclub and started to talk about music. 

“This is just an amateur competition, we can’t invite him. We are not allowed to” the first man kept arguing. “He doesn't even know us! He might think we are weirdos” 

“You were the one who wanted to meet him, what's wrong now? He's nice” 

“That’s not the point, Jaebeom” 

“He seems cool” said the engineer who was watching his phone, probably looking at the picture Jaebeom sent in the group chat. 

“Jinyoungie, at least why don’t we meet him first?” Jackson was suggesting. 

“You do not understand. It doesn’t matter if is nice or not. I don’t… We don’t have the money to pay him. He won’t do it for free.” 

“That’s a lame reason!” the elder one laughed. “Jinyoung, why are you so nervous?” 

"I... I don't want to ruin this"

 

 

“He wants me to meet his friends” Youngjae said walking on circles at his friends’ living room. 

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Everything” He answered now clenching his legs until getting in his knees over the floor facing the blue carpet in the middle of the room. The witnessing married couple just chuckled to each other.

“Youngjae-hyung, there’s nothing wrong liking a man” said the younger one among them. Youngjae sighed.

“I know, Yugyeom…”

“So you do like him” Bambam teased.

“Who cares about that?” Youngjae stood up and started walking again. “But meeting his friends is serious. What if they don’t like me? I probably won’t fit in there.”

“Jaebeom will need to fight for you”

Youngjae stopped and went directly over his Thai friend to hit him repeatedly hard over his back and shoulders. The other one just laughed loudly and asked his husband for help.

“Bam has a point though” Yugyeom said without helping his beaten partner, he even moved to the other couch to give them space to kill each other if they wanted.

“Yugyeom, I don’t want to hit you too” Youngjae exhaled.

“Think about it. You meet his friends and you’ll see if he worth the risk or not”

“That’s what I’m afraid of”

“You should go” said the couple synchronized.

“I just like him as a friend…” Youngjae started to say again and the married couple couldn’t help but to roll their eyes. “Why is so hard to explain? He is TEN years younger than me. He was in high school when I was in college. Isn’t it weird?”

“Weird doesn’t mean bad” Bambam cleared. “Both of you are grownups. I think he is able to make his own decisions and if he’s already decided to go for you, why would you stop him?”

“Youngjae, you are a grown up man already” Yugyeom voice was quiet but severe. He reached Youngjae hand and looked straight into his paranoid eyes, Bambam followed him doing the same. “Even if you act like a child sometimes, you have the right to look for love. If it doesn’t work with him, you have us. You’ll never be alone”.

The musician felt the warmth of his friends’ words, words he already knew. He already knew his friends wanted the best for him. He was just getting used to the idea of staying single forever.

 

 

 

Youngjae was the first on the reunion point. He was wearing light clothes this time, still a black shirt with the logo of some band, blue jeans and black sneakers; an orange beanie was covering his blond hair and with that he felt ready to face him again. This time it doesn’t took him so much time to choose the outfit, he was a bit more relaxed. Jaebeom said he wanted to show him his “secret room” and while walking to a bus station, he was remembering those words with fun. 

And he was there on time, he waited for a few minutes and Jaebeom appeared getting down of one of the buses. He was wearing a Gunshot Shelter black t-shit, dark blue jeans and white converse. His hair was down, parted in the middle and almost hiding his piercings and moles. Youngjae was almost speechless. How many hair styles did he have? 

 

“Hi, Ars”

He answered back with a soft “Hi”

They exchanged a short smile and then Youngjae asked the way to follow. Jaebeom pointed with his arm and both started walking in silence. Probably they both had so many questions to each other, but none of them could decide which one should talk first for a while. Jaebeom was the brave one this time.

 

“I was reading an article about you that many people were happy with your help in their songs”

“Yeah? I'm just doing my job” Youngjae chuckled.

“There are so many fan sites about you and they love you”

“They love my music and that makes me happy”

“They like you as a person too”

“Just like you?” shit, he tried to joke but maybe he went too far. He wasn’t thinking his words, he scolded to himself. Jaebeom stopped walking and Youngjae freaked out. He was going to say some apologetic words but the other one interrupt him.

“You’re right. I need to try harder on you. Am I too soft?”

“You are impossible, Lim Jaebeom” Youngjae hit him on the arm, that was their first physical contact for the day and even if it hurt he wouldn’t know how much Jaebeom enjoyed it.

 

 

 

“So, this is Youngjae. Sunbae-nim for you all” Jaebeom said it as a threat with a giggle after Youngjae pinched him on the arm.

“Just Youngjae is fine, nice to meet you guys”

Jackson was the first one to stand up and greet the new face. He had dark brown hair, athletic physics, wearing a basketball shirt, short pants and Jordan shoes. Then Mark came in, dark red hair, wearing a t-shirt with a cartoon printed on the front, jeans and black converse shoes. Jinyoung was the last one; he was wearing a white t-shirt with a caption that said “Freedom” on small letters over the chest, nice dark blue jeans and black shoes, the same color of his hair and eyes.

“You don’t care about the honorifics?” Jackson spoke loudly “That’s it! I like you already!”

“Oh!” Youngjae said. “I’ve seen you before… Oh, you are the fencer! I saw one of your tournaments on youtube”

“Youngjae, you have my soul in your hands” replayed the athlete before a high-pitch laugh.

"Enough with the touch" Jaebeom said pushing Jackson away. 

“We finally meet you, Youngjae. Jaebeom doesn’t stop talking over you” Mark revealed.

“I have never...” Jaebeom cleared his throat.

Jinyoung was hiding behind Jackson. Jaebeom looked over him and said something just moving his lips and head. Jinyoung sighed and finally spoke “Sorry to bother you. Welcome to hell”.

 

The taller was close to cross the room to beat him but Youngjae laughed so hard and so brightly that everybody stopped breathing for a second. Maybe it was the light coming from outside that made his silhouette shine or maybe the music on the background that added to his presence a magical aura, but everyone understood right away why Jaebeom liked him that much. 

 

 

 

“What are you talking about? Are you crazy?” Youngjae said, almost exactly the equal as Jinyoung at the beginning of this chapter. Jinyoung was a mess behind Mark and Jackson, trying to control his laughter because the face on the taller one was priceless. 

“Maybe?” Jaebeom tried to defend himself while trying to ignore the pink color on his cheeks. 

“Jaebeom, this is a huge project to handle” the old man was walking in circles.

“I, I know. That’s why I’m asking if you can help us”

“I-I…” I can barely handle myself he thought. “I need some fresh air, excuse me” 

 

 

Youngjae went out on a rush; he needed to breathe so badly. He looked over a concrete block near to him so he went there and sat down. That boy was delusional, «just a song and I let you free» Jaebeom said, lies! Just a few minutes later he heard the door opening, he feared expecting Jaebeom, instead was Jinyoung walking in his direction.

“Hey”

“Hey” Youngjae answered back. 

“I knew I wasn’t the only one thinking Jaebeom went crazy.”

“Hah, that’s for sure”

“Youngjae-hyung, we… I admired you so much” the elder man looked up at Jinyoung showing how curious he was after those words. “We’re not perfect; you might think you’re not enough also. But maybe you can help us; we have no idea how to start.”

When Youngjae came back in Jaebeom was sitting on a tall chair in a corner, like a scolded child and his worried face looked up to the elder man; expecting some response of him or maybe a straight and negative answer. Instead, Youngjae was biting his lower lip, looking for proper words in his thoughtful mind.

“I’ll help you all” everyone looked up with bright faces. “I’m sorry I ran I just don’t think I’m enough to be a… ‘Leader’ but I’ll try my best.”

 

 

 

Jaebeom stood up showing his bright teeth that caught Youngjae off guard. Youngjae wasn’t afraid of those sweets kids anymore, he was afraid of disappointing them. He wanted to protect that dreamy smile and now he was getting in charge of other three altogether.

**Life was full of surprises after all.**


	4. What happened to you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy and share with me your thoughts! ♥

They were on a bar restaurant in the center of the city, this one was full of loud people but it was a friendly place anyway, there was an instrumental rock band singing a calmed song about a shy woman, young women chatting in the background, some business men drinking beer and some couples enjoying the night. A good looking waiter was happily taking their orders. In the other hand judging by the glowing eyes of the four boys, Youngjae guessed they had never been in this place before.

 

“Do you like the place?” he was curious.

“Hell, yeah” Jackson was the first one to answer.

“I knew about this bar but I never entered before” Jinyoung commented while his eyes were distracted by so many portraits hanging on the walls aside of their table.

“I feel nervous, are your friends coming to meet us here?” Jaebeom asked.

“Yeah, don’t worry. They’re nice” said while holding a glass of water almost touching his lips, he noticed Jaebeom (who was next to him), he was looking at him so he avoided his glance and left the crystal over the table, he also was nervous but he was the adult between them.

 

He notice Mark who was about to say something but the moment was interrupted when he saw his married friends coming. He raised his hand to call them and they smiled warmly when they saw him. They came closer until they reached the table and sat next to each other.

One of them greeted saying his name “Bambam”, he had gray hair, was wearing a shiny white-colored jacket with a black buttoned shirt underneath it, black pants and boots, silver piercings on both of his ears and this time he had green contact lenses. His partner said “I’m Yugyeom” he had a simpler appearance, black hair style wearing a black baseball hat that was almost covering his dark eyes, a thin long sleeves white shirt with brown-reddish pants and black pointy-shoes. They sat together in front of the surprised boys; the couple smiled widely after they spotted Jaebeom.

 

“You’re the handsome singer” Yugyeom said, Jaebeom smiled politely.

“Excuse you? Your husband is here” the skinny man co-owner of the place claimed offended.

“Don’t you remember him? YOU were the one who said he was handsome IN OUR WEDDING”

“I said that as a compliment. The way you say it sounds so disgusting”

“Are you jealous?” Yugyeom was enjoying making his partner mad.

“It makes me throw up”

“What are you gonna do about it?”

“Enough” Youngjae fists hits the table, he was taking control of the situation, they just giggled saying sorry “This is Mr. and Mr. Kim-Bhuwakul, they are my best friends” Youngjae was explaining.

“Oh…” Jinyoung muttered.

“Bhuwakul?” Jackson repeated and Jinyoung sweated, he knew his friend would spat the soup. “Bhuwakul… Jinyoungie, isn’t it the brand of clothes that you hate?” the mentioned one gave a kick to his talky friend under the table. The married couple turned to face Jinyoung.

“I, I don’t. I mean, I don’t hate it” Bambam was rising his eyebrows with a funny smile. “Your clothes are so expensive, I can’t afford it”.

“That’s… That’s one of the best compliments someone ever gave me” everyone laughed. They talked a little about how nice the place was and even after revealing that Kim and Bhuwakul were the owners of the place, the mood got smoother perfectly to introduce the boys and then talk about serious stuff. 

“Youngjae-hyung told me you are going to compete on my TV Show contest”

“OUR” Bambam protested.

“Yes, our TV show”

 

Silence, surprise and confusion were on the table. It took them a minute to understand the sentence.

 

“Hyung!” Jackson screamed because of the background noise, everyone heard him anyway “You sang on a producers’ wedding and you didn’t tell us?”

“I, I didn’t know it” was his excuse. “Their singer was sick that day, remember? That’s why they called me”

“Wow!” Bambam was surprised. “So, if that singer would not have gotten sick, you wouldn’t have met Youngjae. Is like destiny” he was teasing.

“That’s what Jaebeom said when he came back from the wedding” Mark said rising both of his eyebrows triggering Jaebeom’s chin.

“No. I didn’t” the mentioned one defended himself.

“Youngjae-hyung, what did you do to our shy friend?” Jinyoung was laughing but not making fun of him. He was kind of proud.

“Shut up all of you” was Jaebeom words.

“He barely smiled before he met you, like this” Jackson mocked Jaebeom’s way to smile. “Now he does it widely all the time”.

“What do you mean?” Youngjae said. “He’s always happy… Actually he never shuts up, he always gets on my nerves and it makes me crazy. How do you turn it back when he was quiet like you said?” Jaebeom was shyly smiling to him; he knew he was saying those words in the best way.

“Youngjae has changed too…” Bambam started to say but the fair-haired one stopped him pinching him on his cheek. Everybody laughed.

 

 

They changed the subject talking about the show and some interesting facts about the competition. That’s what Youngjae wanted because they boys were so naïve; they needed some perspective from two professional people. Both of them were dancers since kids; one of them was owner of a well-known clothes brand and the other one was founder of a successful dance academy-foundation; both of them were owners of a restaurant franchise and now they were going to be producers of a new TV show. Youngjae couldn’t be more proud.

They talked about how they met with Youngjae in middle school and how they’ve been together since then. They didn’t mention anything about any other personal relationships though, just about their careers, the struggles they went through to reach the place where they were and how Youngjae helped them to realize they were in love. Jackson was almost in tears, Jinyoung had that face he makes when he’s analyzing the story, Mark was silent but nodded and smiled when they were talking to him and Jaebeom was so amazed because it was so much information, more than his fanboy skills would ever imagine.

Youngjae thought they would get bored quickly that’s why he expected to get off the bar at 10 PM and he was wrong. They kept asking and laughing about little stories. He couldn’t have the heart to tell them to stop and that’s how the clock marked midnight, the bar was already closed.

 

“Just because now you are Youngjae’s friends I’m not going to have favoritism over you” said the taller one among them “Now my expectations are higher. I’ll be watching you.”

“Is getting late, we better go home” Bambam said looking to a clock on the wall.

“It was nice to meet you all. I hope our talk helps you in some way”.

 

 

Youngjae was going to call for an uber to go home, he didn’t want to bother his friends but Jackson offered himself to drive him at wherever destination the sunbae needed. It was a long night talking about music and the projects they had in mind.

“Is really ok for you, Jackson?” the elder one was worried.

“Yeah, my house is in this direction” he answered while driving.

“For real?”

“Uh… no, but I have no problem haha, driving is fun! And I wanted to help after all you did for us today”

“I did nothing…”

“Nothing you said? You introduced two amazing people to us. Now I feel more excited, scared, but excited and I’m really grateful” Jackson was saying sincerely.

“Scary indeed” Jaebeom, who was seating beside the blonde one, was expressing his opinion. “You were so nervous…”

“Look who’s talking” Youngjae hit him in the arm one more time. “Jackson, this street is ok I can walk from here”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Thank you for the ride” Youngjae got off the car, he made a pause and then leaned again over the still open door “Jaebeom, are you coming with me?”

“What?” Jaebeom was confused.

“Oh, come on. Did you really come with us just to say good bye? You are too obvious”

“Damn, Youngjae” Jackson clenched his hand on his chest “Don’t be so harsh over him, he’s just a child” he laughed.

Youngjae wanted to laugh too but he didn’t, instead he said a soft “right? I’m sorry” and closed the door. Jaebeom hit Jackson on the head and ran off the car before the blonde man could regret it.

In the middle of the night both of them were walking uphill to Youngjae’s place, he lived on an apartment complex up there, the elder one was wondering why he asked the young singer to come with him, he didn’t even know, he thought it would be fun to see his reaction and for sure it was but now they were walking in silence again. 

 

Youngjae wanted to be the brave one this time “I’m sorry I brought you here. I was joking. I need to stop doing that”.

“Is okay” he seriously replied. “You were right; I want to know where you live so I can stalk you” 

“You’re such a kid” he said laughing. 

“I hate when you call me like that, I’m not a kid” the younger one stopped walking, Youngjae also stopped to look back, down where Jaebeom was.

“That’s what you are to me” he replied thoughtless.

 

 

There was silence. Jaebeom wasn’t smiling anymore and that made Youngjae get worried. He… He said the truth, that’s what he was thinking of the singer at the moment, he didn’t even know him that well besides those recent excuses to talk and see each other. Why would he be mad? He was just a divorced old man and he was starting to think again that maybe he wasn’t supposed to be there with him.

When he glanced at the boy again, Jaebeom was walking towards him, they were on a hill so Youngjae looked a bit taller and the younger one was looking up to him, the blonde one stepped back but the “kid” grabbed him by the arms.. Soft and warm hands touched the fair and scared skin of Youngjae’s arms, his heart was making a race with his lungs to see which one would explode first. It happened so fast, even like that he could catch the younger one’s smell of light lotion and strawberries; he hated strawberries because they were so sour, is just now that he wanted to try those strawberries. He wanted… He wanted what!?

 

 

“I’m curious” Jaebeom said almost whispering, Youngjae felt drunk “Why? Your friends are so nice and everything. They reached so many goals and it looks like you helped them a lot. What about you? What happened to you? Did you reach your goals?”

Youngjae stepped back again.

“I, I’m. I didn’t expect that you…“ Youngjae muttered and Jaebeom let go of him and tried to look to somewhere else to hide his red face.

“No, you don’t have to be sorry. Is none of my business, right? I better go now, Jackson is waiting for me” the young singer fake smiled and turned giving his back to the indecisive elder.

“Jaebeom, wait!” and he stopped. “Are you going to Jackson’s party? Would you… Would you go with me? You know, like friends.”

“What?” the taller couldn’t believe what he just heard. He looked back showing his smiley and surprised face.

“You know… I don’t remember when the last time I asked someone out was. Like friends. I don’t know how I should do it now a day. If you don’t want to…”

“Yes, Youngjae” Jaebeom smiled “I want to go with you”.

“Okay, that was easier than I expected. I’ll text to you later then”

“Yes” Jaebeom smile was stunning; it was reaching the most hidden places in Youngjae’s heart.

“Ok, bye now” Youngjae turned to his house direction and walked at the same rhythm of his heart. Thinking about all the possibilities, about all the fears he had, about his new desires. He felt terrified and happy at the same time. **He got himself indeed into the lion’s den after all.**


	5. Do you think I could hurt you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The longest chapter as by now. Please enjoy!  
> I always wait for your comments♥

 

Youngjae screwed up everything. Or that’s what he thought. Their first rehearsal and everything was going well until they started talking about the future. They had so many dreams and Youngjae got worried, he just wanted to protect them and to warned them and as always, he was too honest and maybe exaggerated a little bit his words.

 

 

“Don’t point so high. You can do it little by little”

“We can do it though, don’t you think so?” Jackson asked.

“You all have a lot of potential but don’t get delusional” and the happines turned off for that moment.

“What?” Jaebeom shouted changing his happy face for a frowned one.

“I just think you’re not ready for…”

“Do you think we’re not capable of?” Jaebeom’s was indeed offended.

“N-no! I just… Jaebeom, you need to improve so much. Have you heard your voice? You don’t need to force it so much. Your throat could get hurt and…” Youngjae didn’t even finish talking when Jaebeom just turned to the opposite side and left from the studio. Youngjae, like a kid he ran after Jaebeom but for what reason?

 

For the first time Youngjae felt his heart getting out of his chest because he deserved to be a heartless person. Again he was just saying the truth. Maybe he didn’t choose the correct words, but people told him worst when he was young. When he was young… When he was young nobody took the time to help him, nobody warned him about the real world; he wanted to… Did he want to be that type of person crushing young people dreams? He stopped running because Jaebeom was out of sight but also because he was getting to the conclusion that they would be better without him. He wasn’t supposed to be part of the team anyway.

 

**“Why did you leave?”** was Youngjae’s message to Jaebeom whom answered almost immediately. 

**“I felt sick”** he replied. They were fighting and it was Youngjae’s fault. Youngjae was the one feeling sick, like a big weight falling into his head and like a thousand of arrows piercing his heart. He was hurting the person he loved again. 

 

Wait a moment. Love?

 

No. He didn’t know how to love. He was just hurting him. He needed to stop. Youngjae was decided to cut every communication with Jaebeom and his friends. It was the best for everyone and even if he was feeling bad for the boys, he set his mind on the thought of them being better without him. He was not a leader. He was prepared again to be lonely all his life. His friends were busy with sponsors and TV people and he didn’t want to bother. He was going back as how he used to be before meeting that singer: Alone.

 

 

 

Friday came; Jackson’s party day. He remembered because he set a reminder on his phone and he forgot to delete it. Great. Now he was going to think of that and the boy’s disappointed faces all day.

“Coco, I can’t go. Don’t insist.” He was talking with his dog. “They probably hate me anyway”

 

His phone vibrated and he almost chokes because it was Jaebeom saying he was outside his house. “That damned stalker” he snorted and giggled. Is this what he needed to smile again?

 

Twenty minutes later, after thinking his life decisions and after he chose some warm clothes (it was night already), he opened the door and Jaebeom was there ready to knock. They looked to each other for at least 3 short minutes until Jaebeom spoke.

 

“Your hair”

“What? Oh, yeah…” he changed the color; he got tired of blonde now it was black.

“It looks great”

 

Silence again.

 

“Look, Jaebeom. I’m sorry. I was…”

“Shut up and hurry up, Jackson will hate me if we get late”

“No, I can’t. I just wanted to tell you that we can’t met each other again anymore”

“Yeah, sure. Come on.”

“Are you listening to me?”

“Yes, Youngjae, I am and I don’t care. I will show you how wrong you are” Youngjae was speechless; he didn’t have more excuses to reject him. Jaebeom was offering his hand to him like an invitation to accept his feelings, like open arms ready to catch his heart, like a trap seducing him and even if Youngjae wasn’t a hundred percent sure if it was what he wanted, he took it.

 

 

A two door car was riding up of a road, a black vehicle climbing up a mountain through the cold and quiet night. Two men were thinking; one boy was driving in silence while the other one was staring at him. The lights were off, only the moonlight was shining from above doing the magic-thing making both of them look gorgeous even if no one but them was there to witness it.

 

“I don’t get nervous when I drive, you know?” Jaebeom spoke and the other one jumped surprised. “But it looks like you haven’t blink since you got in”.

“I’m just surprised. I thought you hated me” he turned to look at the front and put his hands together holding the seatbelt “You didn’t have to come for me”.

“You asked me to go with you. I’m a man of word”

“I see…”

“You trust so easily. I could kidnap you.”

“What?” Youngjae opened his eyes widely and Jaebeom laughed.

 

The taller one explained that Jackson’s party was in a house in the top to calm him down and kept driving with eyes on the road. Youngjae was so nervous before getting into the car but it was pretty calmed inside, he was trying to be positive and he was thinking that maybe that was the best way, he will show up to the party and will tell them it was a mistake to ask him for help and apologise.

 

“We don’t hate you” Jaebeom broke the silence.

“I wish you would”

“Why are you always like this? Don’t be so harsh on yourself”

“Don’t make me say things I would regret” Youngjae took his eyes over the window on his side and kept his hands on the seatbelt, playing with his golden ring.

“Just say it” the younger one was challenging him

“I don’t want to”

“You are the kid here. Afraid of what other people would say, not giving a chance to improve and just running away when you feel you would get hurt.”

“Stop the car. I want to get out”

“See?” Jaebeom kept talking.

“Jaebeom, stop the car”

“No. I want you to be sincere with me” he took a deep breath before talking again “Do you really think I would hurt you?”

“No”

“Then, don’t run away”

“It’s me, I don’t want to hurt you” Youngjae was breathless, his sight was blurry, he wanted to throw up.

“I don’t know what happened to you and is okay if you never tell me but I want to help”

“You can’t. Jaebeom stop. Okay, I will be happy again; I’ll be your guide for Yugyeom’s TV show; I’ll be normal again but please stop”

“No!” Jaebeom was looking at the scared elder this time. “I want you to be happy for real. I was hurt in the past too, I was lucky I had three people helping me to move on, I know how’s it feels to be abandoned, I see it in your eyes that you suffered the same as me. I don’t know what this feeling is but I feel like I need and I can protect you”

“I don’t need it!” Youngjae roared.

“I want to!” Jaebeom roared back.

“Jaebeom, the car!”

“Fuck”

 

They almost hit a car in front of them, Jaebeom was maneuvering on the road, drifting and trying to control the vehicle to not crash with other cars or with the wall of dirt from the mountain. Youngjae’s heart was jumping out of his chest in the bad way. The elder one was feeling bad…Bad like sick. He was getting the food they ate a few hours ago out of his body.

 

“Jaebeom, stop now!” he yelled angry.

“I’m trying!” the car got out of the road downhill to nowhere between a dozen of trees, Jaebeom didn’t have any control, the breaks didn’t work and it was late; they were close to crash against a big wall rock.

 

Just meters near of the mentioned wall, Jaebeom took off his seatbelt and jumped in front of Youngjae to protect him from the impact. It was the closest they had been from each other ever; it was a mix of feelings: Youngjae was touched and horrified; was it going to be the last time they would ever be together? Both of them hugged tightly. For the first time Youngjae was hugging him back.

 

Thank God, the car stopped right on time. They hit the wall but the impact was softer than expected. Jaebeom probably thought he was on heaven between Youngjae’s arms until Youngjae said:

 

“Get off of me”

“Uh?”

“Get off. Get off. Get off. Get off. Get off.” Jaebeom did and Youngjae didn’t even have time to take of his seatbelt, he took his head out of the window and finally threw up all his dinner and his fears.

 

 

 

“Are you ok?” the boy was getting in the car again, he went off to check the vehicle and now he was back.

“Of course I’m not!” he drank water from a bottle one more time before talking “I thought we were going to die. You almost gave me a heart attack, congratulations!”

“I’m sorry, Youngjae”

“Ahg, don’t do that. I’m more than sorry” he screeched covering his eyes with the hoodie of his sweater.

“The car is okay, but we have a flat tire”

“Well, you can fix it, right?”

“I could… but Mark took my spare tire” Youngjae’s eyebrows were meeting and Jaebeom added “I called him already, they’re coming. We just need to wait”

Both stayed still on their seats with the stars covering their mess, in silence for a moment until Youngjae laughed. He laughed tremendously loud, so contagiously loud that Jaebeom started to laugh softly, laughing felt so healing but Youngjae’s cheeks were getting wet because tears were coming down from his eyes.

“Oh my God, Youngjae, I’m really sorry”

“You’re stupid”

 

 

 

“When I was 8 years old, I told my parents I wanted to be a lawyer” Jaebeom was telling, both were seated inside the car, waiting for Mark to come with the spare tire. “I watched some TV shows and I thought lawyers were cool. My parents brought me a law book and they wanted me to memorize it all and that wasn’t so cool. I just wanted to put bad guys in jail and get money from it, you know? I thought I didn’t need all that stuff”.

“Sounds like you” Youngjae laughed softly and that was a win for the story-teller.

“I told them I wanted a more easy life… And they sent me to a religious school.”

“Oh, dear lord”

“Hallelujah!” he said with a sigh making both giggle.

“It’s my turn. Uh, I want to see your ring; does that count as a question?”

“No, but the last part yes”

“Damn it”

Youngjae giggled, he hesitated for a minute but ended up taking off his ring, he gave it to Jaebeom and then he caressed his now naked finger, he felt like a huge weight was taking off from his back, now he needed to know: “Jaebeom, why… How do you know you like me?”

“Well, it started as a crush I guess. Jinyoung showed me your songs, I searched about you on SoundCloud, Instagram, etc. and after a few songs I really wanted to meet you. Then I saw you at your friends’ wedding I dropped a mic because of the surprise. I wanted to meet you so badly. I wanted to make a good impression on you so I sang with my all. You smiled and that made me happy then you looked at me and I felt… I felt like I needed to talk to you. I debated myself if I should do it or not, you could ignore me or just tell me to get lost. You were nice, maybe politely but I was glad. You know the rest of the story, I wanted to meet you more and more, I made the excuse about you listening to my songs and don’t get me wrong, I needed help but that wasn’t the complete truth. I still want to know you better” _he wanted to know a divorced old man_ , Youngjae thought.

“You talk too much” Youngjae had his head leaned over his seat, looking at the younger one.

“Hey, you asked” his voice was quiet, they were close to hear each other anyway.

“It’s your turn” Youngjae pointed.

“Let me think this time” he looked at his phone to check the time “It’s getting late.”

“Agree on that, holy shit is almost 1:30 am? Mark is taking his time I’m getting freeze”

“We should kiss” a direct attack and Youngjae froze.

“I-I, I just threw up; do you really want to…?”

"I... I mean. Never mind, I just said what was on my mind”

“We… could try if you want” Youngjae attacked back and Jaebeom froze.

 

Youngjae was the first to look up to Jaebeom’s eyes and the boy had his face covered in a pink and sweet color. The elder one leaned forward to the crazy driver and the crazy driver was also about to lean forward when a scream interrupted them.

 

“JAEEEEEEBEOOOOOOOMIE” they heard and again “JAEBEOMIEEEEEEE”

 

Against his will, Jaebeom got off the car because he recognized that voice.

 

“JAEBEO—OH, HE’S THERE!” yes, it was Jackson looking through the window of Mark’s car and it seemed like he had drank too much because he howled right after like a hunter dog catching the smell of his prey.

“Good boy” Jinyoung voice said. Mark drove out of the road and went over to his friends.

“You couldn’t wait at least five minutes, right?” Jaebeom said disappointed.

“What?” the three friends said.

“Forget it”.

 

 

 

Youngjae looked how Jaebeom hurried up to change the tire. He was quickly putting the mechanical jack and the ruined tire on his place inside the trunk. He was getting ready to get back to the civilization when something else didn’t let him enjoy his desires. Mark’s car ran out of gasoline, so they had to share Jaebeom’s car and drive to the nearest gas station.

 

“Thank you for coming. After what I did... I don't deserve your kindness” sitting in the co-pilot seat, Youngjae was grateful not because he was having a bad night but he was really freezing and was getting sleepy.

“No” Jackson was behind and quickly pull a lever on Youngjae’s seat so the elder’s back would fall over his legs. Youngjae was surprised but did nothing because it was funny to watch. “Thanks to you for existing” and he kissed Youngjae’s forehead. Yes, he was totally drunk or he would never even dare to make Jaebeom angry. Jackson kind of knew he was putting himself in danger just by looking at Jaebeom’s chin but he couldn’t help it after drinking so much beer.

“He’s so drunk” Youngjae laughed.

“You’re driving, Jaebeom” Jinyoung reminded him.

“I know. I’m cool. I’m cool… But I really wish he would take off his hands…”

Jackson was evilly smiling to Jaebeom when the latter looked at him, the birthday-boy leaned over Youngjae so near of his face and even Youngjae himself got worried. Drunken lips got towards Youngjae’s cheek so near of his lips that it looked like he indeed kissed him on the mouth.

“I’m gonna kill him” shouted getting rid of his seatbelt once more but now going for Jackson’s neck to squeeze it with his bared hands.

“Jaebeom!” Jinyoung from the back seat reached the steer wheel to at least lead the car beside of the road, Mark helped with the handbrake.

“I DIDN’T KISS HIM! HAHAHA I DIDN’T!” Jackson’s squealing voice said meanwhile he was protecting his neck.

Youngjae was laughing out of control, covering his face with both hands just because both (the taller one and the fencer) were fighting literally over his face.

“Jaebeom!” Youngjae yelled to get his attention, still laughing “Jaebeom!”

“What?” Jaebeom said.

“I’m waiting until marriage” the elder one said and everyone went silent.

Jaebeom’s was seated right over Youngjae, his legs on each side of the elder’s hips, it took him a legit minute to understand his position and once he did… He jumped off back to his seat. “Oh my God, Youngjae!” was his words. Then silence.

Silence until Youngjae started to laugh again with his hands still covering his face, drunk Jackson started to laugh too and then Jaebeom. Everyone ended up laughing because of the ridiculous situation and Youngjae’s bad joke.

 

 

 

They finally got to the gas station and then Jaebeom drove back to the abandoned car and after filling up the tank he demanded to his friends to go home on Mark’s car. The three of them, still with smiley faces didn’t say anything but good luck and bye.

 

The ride back home was peaceful because Youngjae felt asleep. Lucky for him Jaebeom knew where he lived and drove happily after noticing a cute detail on Youngjae’s sleeping behavior: the elder one was singing while sleeping. His heart was jumping and he was smiling like a little boy after a big discovery on his playground. Eventually and sadly for Jaebeom, they got home.

 

“Youngjae, we’re here”

“5 Minutes more…”

“You can stay for the rest of my life if you want” Youngjae didn’t hear him, he was dreaming of a wedding and how an angel came down from heaven to sing for him. “Youngjae…”

“I’m awake!”

“Get off of my car, Youngjae, we’re here”

“Oh, okay”.

 

Youngjae was sleepy; he adjusted his hoodie and his shoes, he put on his head an invisible hat and leaned over Jaebeom to say good bye. He leaned too much and the young man didn’t know how to handle it, he wanted to reach those lips so badly, they were so close but obviously Jaebeom didn’t want it in that way. He pushed the now black-haired man back and then helped him to get off the car, to find his keys, to open the door, to reach his bedroom, to lie down on bed, to lock the door and then run the fuck out of there before he could regret it.

 

Youngjae was still dreaming, dreaming of a cute boy singing for him, a boy who was taking care of him, a boy who was becoming so important to him even if he almost got killed that night. **A boy who was becoming a man after all.**


	6. What's wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like to make them suffer, but is what it is :')  
> Tell me your thoughts! What do you think will happen??

Youngjae looked everywhere. He looked at his apartment, under the bed, over the synthesizer, inside his closet, outside his house at the front door, in Coco's bed and there was nothing. He didn’t even remember how he got to his house last night. He had a dream of a car crash and himself falling on an endless sea of stars and Jaebeom… Jaebeom! Now he remembered. Jaebeom had his ring.

 

 

He arrived on time at the studio, wearing a black T-shirt and casual jeans, black shoes and his black hair parted from one side. He was nervous for no reason apparently but he knew so well why, he knew it but he would never admit it so easily. He was going to be open towards Jaebeom or at least he was going to try.

Mark opened the door and is not like he wasn’t happy to see him, but he was disappointed Jaebeom wasn’t there. He greeted the redhead and both of them went to sit in front of a synthesizer. Mark was playing some quiet songs and Youngjae was getting bored after a minute. Mark was a nice person but he was the more silent from all, he seemed like someone who will only talk when is purely necessary. That was making Youngjae anxious, silence was not his jam, even when working he was not used to a calmed environment. While waiting for the others, Youngjae was getting curious.

 

“Since when did you start to be interested on music?” the elder one asked.

“Uh… dunno. I just did”

“Don’t you remember?” Youngjae asked skeptical.

“I don’t care about dates, I just do it” Mark moved some buttons from the big console he had controlling effects on the melody he was playing, since Youngjae was bored, he only thought it would be an excellent idea to tell Mark how to do his job.

“Maybe cutting this part would sound better”

“Sure… I’ll try it later”

“That trumpet in the background doesn’t fit well”

“This is not for the TV show, don’t worry”

“I want to help”

“Thanks, I tell you if I need something”

 

Youngjae was quiet for like 0.5 seconds; he started to make noises with his mouth and to sing unnecessary adlibs for the background music. Mark was quiet, quiet with no movement and the black-haired one leaned a bit to look for the younger one’s face.

 

“I'm sorry, I’m just bored”

“I’m sorry for you”

“How are you so quiet?”

“I’m sorry for you”

“Is not like that but I want to talk”

“I don’t want to. I’m busy”

“If is not for the TV show, why is so important?”

“Youngjae… I understand that you want to help, but please, let me do my thing by my own”

“Okay…” Youngjae obeyed and kept quiet for 0.3 seconds “But the tempo is delayed”

“I. Don’t. Need. Help. Thank. You. So. Much” desperately Mark took one of the speakers besides his computer and smashed it against the table, one hit per word and that ended up crushing the device in several pieces. The elder one was speechless, should he say something? Would Mark hit him now? He deserved it anyway. Mark’s hands still have his speaker’s dead body but his face didn’t turned dark or red, he was normal, as usual, like nothing happened. Youngjae laugh nervous.

“I’m sorry I…”

“Now I feel better, thank you”

“Eh?”

“I relieved some of my stress, it was this speaker or your face and to be honest I don’t want to hit you”

“What?” Youngjae laughed and then Mark followed him laughing to each other.

 

Jackson and Jinyoung arrived after 20 minutes and joined to the happy conversation the two elders were having about a videogame. Jaebeom was still missing. Youngjae did not want to make it a big deal, it just was strange, Jaebeom was usually the first one to come and even used to scold the boys for being late but now he was nowhere to be found until they decided to text him and he final replied saying he felt asleep. Finally, Jaebeom arrived and everything seemed normal again, all of them were laughing and all of them were excited because that night was the first one they could talk freely about the show.

It was a survival show. Yugyeom and Bambam came up with the idea of a music show where groups of solo artist compete to each other and have to survive a series of challenges and each night (based on the publics votes) one contester is eliminated until the very end. The prizes were the normal: money and brands goodies but mostly important was being the international face of YugBam’s entertainment which was expanding at an amazing speed. The night came and they took a moment to eat. Youngjae reached Jaebeom sight and both smiled to each other, for some reason Youngjae was still skeptical about the younger’s mood. Something was bothering him but he assumed it was not the time to ask.

 

“Ugh! I hate when I order 8 chicken nuggets and I only get 7! It always happens to me” Jackson shouted hurt and disappointed.

“Hey, 7 is a lucky number” said Mark.

“Not to me, I’m Chinese. Eight is the luckiest number”

“You make your own luck” Jinyoung defended the idea.

“Yeah, you can make seven your own lucky number if you want” Youngjae was agreeing.

“GET 7 sounds like a… Actually, I like the sound of it. What do you think, Jaebeomie?”

“Uh… Sounds like DOG7; sounds funny” Jaebeom replied.

“Hey, that’s it! We could call our group GET7 because we got… No, GOT7 because we got the luck by our side” Jackson was excited. “We were lucky to meet each other, we were lucky Yugyeom and Bambam subaenim got married because that’s how Jaebeom and Youngjae met and we are lucky we are now together. I love you guys”

“Are you drunk?” Youngjae asked playfully.

“NOT EVEN MENTION IT. My head hurts just to hearing to word. I have no memory of my own party, I’m so shameful” he was not. Youngjae couldn’t help it but reach the whiny man’s head and pat it with care and sweetness. Everyone joined but Jaebeom because he was absent, nobody said a word though.

 

 

 

“Today I’ll stay with you boys” Jinyoung was putting his plan on action.

“With us?” Jackson was confused.

“Yeah, don’t you remember?” Mark was getting the idea.

“Yeah, I have to go to college early so is better if I stay with you”

“Youngjae, do you mind to take Jaebeom home?” Mark suggested and Youngjae catch it right away.

“No problem” the eldest one was aware of how fake all was. The worst part was that Jaebeom didn’t even notice it.

 

 

Youngjae was driving this time, Jaebeom was looking through the window how little water drops were falling for the glass, the driver was making his best effort to not look over his direction or the car accident could repeat again. He wouldn’t mind, though. He would like to have Jaebeom on his arms… He cleared his throat twice to get the younger’s one attention: it did not work.

“Jaebeom.” No response. “Jaebeom-ah” their eyes met each other for a second before Youngjae turned back to the road. “What happened?”

Jaebeom was silent again; he couldn’t see it but he perceived some worry from him. Was he okay? Did something happen? Did Youngjae do something wrong?

“Come to my house” Jaebeom lift his head “Stay with me tonight”.

 

 

Staying on Youngjae’s place was the best idea after all. Heavy rain covered the city, the road got so blurry and hard to see, the traffic got slow and people went quick trying to cover themselves from the water. Jaebeom was still so quiet this time and for real Youngjae was so worried. Once the car parked in front, both hurried up to get into the house. Jaebeom stayed sit over the couch with a towel over his head, covering partially his eyes, his clothes got wet so now he was wearing one of Youngjae’s hoodies. Youngjae went to sit with hit at his side, he put is feet over the couch holding his knees over his chest, he stared at the younger one’s face but there was no response.

“Jaebeom, do you have my ring?” the boy nodded. “That was my wedding ring” Jaebeom raised his eyebrows so now Youngjae had his full attention. “I worked so hard to buy it, I abandoned my vocal classes, I had to owe money from the bank, everything just to see her happy. I thought I loved her and maybe I did but I lose my mind’s sense after we got married.”

The divorced old man was not expecting it when Jaebeom put his warm hand over his cold one. Now he was able to see the other's eyes and for some reason he felt sadness. The story was sad, but why Jaebeom would feel the same way?

“I felt frustrated because my job was bad, the company where I used to work stole some of my works and then they fired me. I was so young, 22 years old with no job and a wife whom I promise I would take care forever. Yugyeom and Bambam tried to help me but I was stubborn and always said it was my duty to pull up my family out of that situation. But I was not giving attention to her; I was trying so hard to be successful that I forgot I needed to share weight with my wife. She tried to talk with me so many times and I just ignored her. She was a rising actress, she got a job overseas and I didn’t even found out until the day I saw her packing her belongings. I didn’t even stop her, it was my fault. Months after her lawyers sent to me the divorce papers.”

“So is a reminder of your failure?” he finally spoke, it was no lie the little bump Youngjae felt in his chest, like if he unlocked a secret passage on a video game for the first time.

“Is a reminder that I need to think in the others first instead of me” Jaebeom snorted.

“I’m sorry. Is so silly, of course you have to take care of the others but your happiness comes first. Yes, you were a jerk but you were trying your best.”

“Is not easy to look at it in that way…”

“I don’t want to be disrespectful but I’m not in the mood to be polite” the young one warned “Does that mean you have been alone for more than five years?”

“Yeap. I focused on fixing my mistakes, to pay the money I owed and to take care of my true friends. I got a job in another agency and that was enough for me, I had a house and food, what else I could ask for, I didn’t deserve more” Jaebeom kept staring at their now interconnected fingers, how much he wished for a moment like this but he seemed to not being enjoying it that much as expected.

“We should go to sleep now” the young singer requested.

“Do we?”

“Yes. Don’t make me mad right now because I could never let you go”

“I’m not complaining” the old man said rising their hands. Jaebeom let him go.

“I’ll stay on this couch if you don’t mind”

“Is cold, we can share the bed” he was playful only because he wanted to cheer up Jaebeom.

“Don’t provoke the devil…”

“You talk like and old man now” Youngjae laughed.

“Just go. I feel so tired, I will be normal tomorrow so please, let me sleep”

“Sure… I’ll let the door open if you change your mind”

“Youngjae…” Jaebeom chuckled. Youngjae obeyed and joyfuly walked to his bedroom leaving the door open, Jaebeom looked at him until he got in and almost immediately he lied over the couch and fell asleep.

 

 

Youngjae lied on his bed but couldn’t sleep. Something was happening to him and he was more than curious, he was worried that he didn’t even want to talk about it. He moved in circles in his bed and then got on his feet. He stood up for a couple of minutes until he decided to go watch Jaebeom. Apparently he was sleeping, he walked near and kept looking for any movement but nothing happened. Youngjae kneel down in from of sleepy beauty and just watched him as a normal person does.

Jaebeom was indeed asleep; he was facing the back of the couch, his breath was slow and his hands looked warm. Youngjae heard him saying some gibberish and then he heard his name. A soft whisper saying his name that makes him stay until the younger one moved and opened his eyes probably sensing the intense looks he was receiving.

“Youngjae?” he was adjusting his eyes to the soft light. “If you’re the real one, please go to sleep”

“You woke me up; you were calling me in your dreams.”

“Really? Was I too loud?”

“Yes, your voice was so loud and raspy. I almost got a boner”

“What?” Jaebeom laughed; it was a majestic sound. Youngjae sighed. “Can’t you sleep?”

“Kind of…”

“Did you really almost have a boner?”

“N-No" both knew he was kidding and both blushed anyway "I was joking; you only whispered my name once”

“Then come, here’s space if you’re not afraid of my charming” he was offering a small place in the couch and the other man accepted right away, almost jumping, probably possessed by his insomnia. It felt so surreal; again he was having Jaebeom in his arms. He wrapped him tight like if someone could ever take him away and closed his eyes.

“I like your waist”

“Youngjae, shut up” and Youngjae giggled. Right there where he could feel Jaebeom’s breath going in and out from his chest, right there where he can hold him as a lucky blanket in a cold day, right there where he doesn’t need to see him to be sure both of them were enjoying each other’s company, right there he was happy.

 

 

 

The 6 am alarm went off startling the man in the couch, him alone because nobody was with him. He looked around and his only companion was the loneliness. He put on his feet and was planning to look for the singer at the bathroom or maybe his dorm but he heard a voice coming from outside, at the front door, it was Jaebeom, thank God.

“Good morning” said the old man with no knowledge of his messy hair.

“Good morning”

“Was she causing you trouble?”

“Just a little, I let her go out and I think she loves me a bit” he softly laugh “What’s her name?”

“Coco, is my little demon”

“She’s cute. She doesn’t let me touch her though”

“I taught her well” Youngjae looked his wrist for an invisible watch just to remember the time for his phone alarm. “Are you hungry?”

“Thanks, but I have to go”

“What? Why so early?”

“I have to take care of something”

“Jaebeom, if something is going wrong tell me if I can help. You told me that” he tried so hard to keep his voice normal, to not let go the sea of worries in his mouth. He thought something bad happened to him and yes it was but Jaebeom couldn’t say the truth.

“I’m sorry, I’m seeing someone else. He has been asking me to go out since so long, I just decided to give him a chance” how could you even reply to those words. Youngjae's face probably showed his pain so Jaebeom just went up and before leaving said "I just didn't know how to tell you".

Choi Youngjae was left alone right there where he was freezing and not exactly because of the weather, right there where he was drowning with his own confused thoughts, right there where all his new dreams where breaking in little and hurtful pieces, right there where he knew he would be ending up after all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Text Message: **«No matter what happens, please, be patient. I’ll be back for you ─Jaebeom»** NOTHING WAS MAKING SENSE AFTER ALL.

 

 

 

 


	7. We should what??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A pretty interesting chapter. 7 is the lucky number  
> I hope you like it hehehe...  
> Tell me your thoughts!

 

As a normal person, Youngjae could have feel sad and even depressed about Jaebeom abandon him and he was going to take it in that way until that last message of the minor that made him turn on the fire of his feelings. “Wait for me?” What did the boy think he was? HE WAS NOT GOING TO LET HIM FEEL LIKE THIS. He made sure to put Coco inside the house because she was important enough to think about her safety and after grabbing his keys he locked the door. Still wearing his PJs and messy hair he went downhill chasing after Jaebeom.

He screamed “LIM JAEBEOM” with all his angry heart.

The young and scared man looked back confused probably didn’t expect the elder to come after him. He hesitated; it looked like he wanted to run away just Youngjae grabbing his arm was what stopped him.

 

“What is wrong with you?”

“I, I have to go” the singer tried to stepped away but the other one didn’t let him.

“Do you really have someone else?”

“Youngjae, I…”

“After all the times you told me how much you like me?”

“Is not easy”

“After all the times you told me how much you wanted to know me better?”

The boy was dumbfounded, he wanted to tell to the man all the bad things that happened but he was scared. He opened his mount to say something maybe to put Youngjae away of danger; Youngjae was impatient.

“You know what, I’m tired of this” the older one said, Jaebeom felt a pinch on his chest but that was only for a little second.

Youngjae took that brat over his shoulder, he carried him uphill back to his house avoiding and controlling the whining and kicks the carried one was giving. Jaebeom didn’t expected Youngjae to be that strong, he felt flustered but glad because he was not giving up on him. The danger was not going to disappear though, just because of that he kept trying to escape ─unsuccessfully─ from his arms.

“Youngjae, I can’t”

“Shut up” Youngjae whispered. “Someone is watching us from the other side of the road. Just keep kicking me”

 

The 31-years-old man threw the young one into his car on the back seat, he opened the driver’s door and the engine started fast and furiously. Fast because of a bad feeling from the person who was watching them and furiously just to think someone might hurt Jaebeom at the point of him wanting to run away. The car was now on the road.

 

“I knew it”

“What?”

“The grey car, the one with black glasses, is following us”

“Youngjae I want to tell you…”

“Tell me later. What time is it?”

“Eh…?”

“What time is it, Jaebeom?”

“Eh—Is, Is 6:45am”

“Okke!”

 

Youngjae kept driving straight forward, he knew the road so well; at 6:51 am the traffic light would turn red so he drove faster making a mental bet that no cars would be driving there at that exact minute. He told Jaebeom to put the seatbelt on and to hold tight. It happened just as he imagine, he drove fast passing the yellow light and celebrating with an evil smile when he saw the grey car leaving behind because of the now red light. They took the following exit to be sure they would lose that freaking car.

 

“We’re going to take the subway” he said to the silent man in the backseat.

“I trust you my life, but where are we going?”

“I don’t know what’s going on, but I’ll take you to a place I know no one knows”

 

 

 

_Jinyoung and I met in a party, I was feeling so bad that I thought I needed to go out of my comfort zone, I went to a club alone, without telling anyone and I watched him dancing (b-boying to be specific). He saw me and challenged me to dance, obviously I accepted. Mark and Jackson joined to show some tricks, they’re awesome (you should watch them one of this days) and it was fun, I was happy again, we have never talked before and we got along really well. I wanted to stay there forever but **H.** found me._

_He abused me. The first time we slept together I thought that’s what love feels like, I thought if I really wanted to be with him, I had to resist because he “loved” me that much that I would get used to it and guess what? I never did._

_I ran from home, I abandoned my parents even when they were so supportive, I was alone and all was my fault. How could I go back? Could I just show up? Would they forgive me? And how about H? He would never let go of me. I was stuck._

_I didn’t lose contact with Jinyoung and somehow I got to talk with Mark and Jackson too. Mark was helping us to get into college, Jackson had a scholarship because he was a young fencer but he was there anyway because he said he liked to be with us. The pain was less._

_I knew H’s job, he showed up as a normal photographer but he worked making porn. He was gentle and even funny at the beginning, everything went wrong and wrong the moment I refused to take pictures of my body to publish them in his website. He was mad, he complained how I didn’t trust him and how I didn’t love him enough and little by little I had less and less freedom. He said I didn’t needed to go to college because he was going to take care of me, that I didn’t needed friends because he was there for me, that I didn’t needed anything outside the roof and food he was giving me to live._

_The worst is that I almost get used to it, I almost gave up and only because of those crazy boys I understood that I needed to get out of there and I tried, I tried to run away. One night I told him I wanted to go to college, that I wanted to live at college dorms; I thought I was going to get killed._

_The police came, Jackson’s father was there talking to me about how lucky I was because they got there on time, Jinyoung’s mom was there trying to make me eat, Mark told me his parents lived too far away but they wanted to help me until I get stable economically._

_My mom came, my step-father too, they hugged me so tight, so strong, that I remembered how real love feels. I’m still so grateful of that day. I was waking up of an awful nightmare._

 

 

Youngjae and Jaebeom were by the handrail of a big ship looking at the sea, both standing beside each other, holding hands just to show support, the elder one feeling a knot on his throat like there were no correct words for that moment. They were hugging each other, the younger one putting his head over Youngjae’s shoulder, Youngjae embracing that shaky body with one arm wrapping his waist. An unusual scene: to watch an old man and a tall boy so close from each other; they didn’t care anyway.

 

“He showed up again a few days ago” the boy kept talking. “He was dead in my mind, I never thought he would be back and even less he would look for me”

“You should have told me, you got me so worried”

“I wanted but what if he hurts you? What if he ruins your career?”

“What about me and what I want? Damn Jaebeom, I’m still confused with my feelings and then you come telling me you were seeing someone else. I felt destroyed.”

“Really?” the boy smiled.

“Don’t smile to me like that, I’m so furious, I wanted to punch you and tell the others how awful as a person you were until I saw that man at the other side of the street. It was him?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t see anything”

“At least… I think we are safe for now”. The boat was passing under a bridge, they had the beautiful view of a city right in front of them, the announcer on the speakers said the name unclearly so Youngjae repeat it: “Welcome to Mokpo”.

 

 

 

Three in the afternoon and two men where on his PJs, Youngjae with an actual pajama and Jaebeom wearing jeans and Youngjae’s black hoodie, nothing to be ashamed though. They went down of a bus to a small neighborhood. They left everything on Youngjae’s house, cellphones, money, doubts, everything. Lucky for Jaebeom’s hungry tummy Youngjae was known in the friendly city, they welcomed the composer with some local food while they were walking down the street until they finally get to their destination: an old house. The elder one reached a hidden key over the house door and in a blink they were inside.

 

“It’s been years so I’m sorry for the mess”

“Where are we?”

“This was my house. My first house when I was 18 trying to be independent” he laughed. “My parents used to live a few blocks away, now they live in Seoul”

“Why did you bring me here?”

“After looking at that man, I had the feeling that you needed to run away. Then that car was following us, I didn’t know anything but I… I thought you would be safe here, where nobody knows you”

“Quick thinker”

“Slow catcher” both laughed again. “Ok, let’s eat something, I’m so hungry”

 

Finally it was night, it was not a lie how Jaebeom was enjoying that moment of freedom even if they never left the interiors’ house, the kid was taking a tour over his love crush’s house and asked questions with every photo or weird object he was finding.

It was a small house, one bedroom with a toilet and shower, one room where he used to have the couch and a rice machine, and a room where he used to have a… “A piano!” the taller one shouted after finding it.

“Where my music career started I guess”

“It still works?”

“Let’s find out”

Both of them sat at the piano, Youngjae opened the keys gate and put his fingers over them as if was just yesterday that he was playing them and trying to write his first composition. A slow and deep sound surrounded their ears, just a chord that triggered so many memories in the player’s mind and some other feelings in the younger man. Another chord from a different hand position, this one pitched higher and sweet. One more chord planned to sound happier but ended up sounding off-key.

“I guess I need to fix this cords” he chuckle.

“We should kiss” the young man whispered, maybe just thinking out loud. Youngjae just looked up at the blushed boy.

The piano player took his own hand over the other’s cheek, a touch that made the listener whine in pleasure, he leaned his face enjoying that feeling. Both looked each other’s lips for three seconds until the phone over a wall rang; the magic turned off. The elder man could have ignore it, is just that he knew who it was so he got up to answer the call.

 

“Yugyeom?” they were missing for an entire day, it was about time to his friends to figure it out where he could have been. “Yeah, we’re fine. Yes, Jaebeom is with me” the mentioned one got behind the one who was speaking, the boy hugged him from his back and that startle his voice. “N-no, we’re fine. Did the boys tell you what happened? I mean… Yeah? Good. We need to do something about it. I want him dead. If we can put him on jail it will be fine, I’m not scared of him. I, I need to go” and he hang up. It was not his intention but ended up pushing the other man.

“I’m sorry” Jaebeom apologized.

“N-no, I…”

“Oh, God. There’s a rat” he said.

“No way” he looked over the carpet in front of the couch, indeed there was not only one but two rats chasing each other “So we’re not alone after all”

“Youngjae, I know you’re still confused but…”

“Just kiss me” and they did.

 

They kissed.

 

They kissed, awkwardly first, just touching their lips with open eyes. Jaebeom leaned his face to accommodate it over the opposite one, Youngjae wrapped his arms on that waist he said he liked, his fingers climbing thought the younger’s back pulling him closer to reach his lips one more time. One of Jaebeom’s arms went around the arms that were holding him with one of his hands over his cheek to pull him even closer.

It was Youngjae’s first time kissing a man, it was almost the same as kissing any other person but his heart was beating faster than ever. He could feel both hearts bumping each other. He, unable to control his own hands, went all over the other back, over that annoying hoodie, biting Jaebeom lower lip every time they took short seconds to breath.

Jaebeom moaned imperceptibly every time Youngjae would bite him, just him would have been able to hear those sounds, he and those rats maybe, only he would have been able to heal him. Jaebeom knew it since the beginning.

 

“We should have sex” Youngjae whispered this time. Jaebeom stepped back in surprise to breath and then he coughed hard in disbelief. “Forget that. I was just thinking out loud!”

“We should what?” said the blushed boy almost laughing.

“Forget it! Is time to sleep” Youngjae pushed him further “Take the bed, I’ll stay in the couch this time”

“Youngjae…” the boy smiled annoyingly.

“Go to bed! Now!”

“Come with me” he said ─suggestively─ soft.

“No!”

“Youngjae, I won’t be able to sleep alone in this house. Believe it or not, I’m still scared” he was being sincere.

“I’m sorry.”

“Is not your fault”

“Ok. Let’s go to bed” Jaebeom was more than happy, Youngjae too but he was an adult, he had to be worried about Jaebeom’s safety.

 

The lights went off, both bodies were on the same bed, both blushed faces were looking each other, both pairs of lips encounter each other one last time to say good night, both smiles were the last thing they saw before closing their eyes and they wished for tomorrow to be a blessed day so they could enjoy freely the whatever this feeling was.

Yes, his body wanted to have sex but out there was a psycho looking for him. It was not the time after all.


	8. Did it hurt you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anything else, please just remember this is only fiction, something that came up from my own head, I'm not intend to set something as "canon". I don't know anything about Jaebeom and Youngjae beyond their public personalities.
> 
> Just please enjoy and if you like it, I'll be really glad♥

 

It was dark; so dark that you couldn’t even see the person who was at your side even if he was just as close as to get chills because his breath was climbing through your throat, the younger one looked so tired so the owner of the house was more than glad he was able to sleep. Youngjae was awake thinking about what happened during the day: yesterday he was worried for that boy and his weird behavior and now that he knew more about him… he wanted to know more. What exactly makes you interested in a person? At the beginning instead of interested, he was worried for himself and scared. Now he was worried for him just not afraid anymore.

Thinking about the kiss made him grow butterflies in his chest, in his stomach, in his lips and his hands. He was feeling like a kid and was smiling widely without notice it but… was it okay to feel like this? Would he, Jaebeom, be really happy together with that old man? Youngjae was thinking of his future, he was young with a million of opportunities after all.

A pair of arms pulled him out of those thoughts, now he was wrapped between two young and strong arms, pulling him closer if that was even possible and he didn’t mind, he just sighed.

 

“You’re healing my trauma…” Youngjae sang tenderly as a whisper with the melody of that song that went viral a few months ago. Jaebeom hugged him tighter.

“You too” the boy replied making the elder one jump.

“Shit, Jaebeom!”

“I’m sorry” he laughed.

“I thought you were sleeping”

“I was. My eyes opened just on time to hear you sing”

“Sleep again; it was a drained day isn’t it?”

“I’m fine. What about you?”

“I’m okay…”

“It doesn’t sound like”

“I’m worried about you” the composer admitted.

“I’ll be fine. I’m not alone. I have my friends, I have you…”

“How can you be so positive after all you’ve been through?”

“I like to dream: I dream everything will get better, I dream I can survive this, I dream we can win that TV show contest, I dream I can be a better person, I… I dream about you being happy with me; you and I living together, me cooking breakfast, the kids running to our bed screaming because I told them to wake you up” Youngjae snorted.

“You’re so dreamy” he laughed. “Oh my…” he kept laughing for a while. He felt Jaebeom smile even on the darkness.

“You should dream too” the young man told him now resting his chin on the other’s shoulder.

“I’m realistic.”

“Seriously, Youngjae, don’t you have a dream? Even a realistic one?”

Youngjae’s his mind traveled through all the dreams he had once, through all the destroyed hopes he himself burned and buried, realizing now of all the time he wasted overthinking. He smiled and then replied with “I… I think I can be happy”

“Of course you can!” Jaebeom tried to kiss his partner forehead and failed, he kissed Youngjae’s nose. The elder with one hand reached his cheeks encountering both pair of lips for a short period.

It wasn’t enough for Jaebeom who intensified the kiss while putting his body over him, breaking the other’s defense wall. It was dark to see each other’s face, to see Youngjae’s face getting red because he was feeling his body and the other’s body reacting to those sinful wishes. He had to push Jaebeom to breathe and resist those desires. Their legs kept interlocked though.

“Oh, God, what are we?” he said hardly breathing and laughing.

“I, I thought we…” the tallest one thought he was referring to something else, lucky for him Youngjae was not even thinking about it “W-what do you mean?”

“We’re like teenagers. We met… what? Maybe three months ago? And now we are horny for each other?”

“That’s good. I mean, I was getting afraid of you not being gay”

“I am not”

“Youngjae, I can feel your dick…”

“I am not for anyone. That’s what I meant” he said probably blushed.

“J-just for me?” he sounded more happy than expected. “Then what are we waiting? Let’s get married and…” Youngjae laughed, not making fun of him, but more like overwhelmed with all those new feelings. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, he wanted to sing, he wanted to love and also he wanted to feel loved. He felt Jaebeom’s hand caressing his cheek, he cleaning a-none-existing tear, he making sure they were close enough to whisper “I really wish”

“Me too…” Youngjae whispered back. “I still think is too soon. We don’t even have protection”

“Actually…”

“You’re kidding. It can’t be” he laughed again nervously.

“Yes, I’m kidding” he said the true and Youngjae sighed relieved.

“I just don’t want you to regret it later. We still have to take care of so many things until I feel relaxed. I want to do it right”

“I see…” Jaebeom didn’t break the connection between their legs; he just laid his back again over the bed now looking to the roof.

“Just… one last question: did it hurt?”

“Me? Falling from heaven? Not a bit”

“No, stupid. I mean… the kiss”

“Of course not, why would it hurt?”

“Well…”

“Did it hurt you?”

“No! Is just… My lips are not in the best condition”

“Your lips are perfect. Damn, I almost died the first time, I feel chills going through my spine every time I think about it” Youngjae chuckled.

“You’re cute, Jaebeom”

“I… I am not” it was until that moment when the old man realized that maybe that was the way the psycho used to call him. He felt his mouth bitter just to imagine.

“Then… you’re sweet”

“Is the same”

“No is not” Youngjae protested, now he was the one leaning over Jaebeom’s body, just a little to hug him, to be near of him and whisper to him “Your lips, your smell, the way you touch me, the way you care about your friends, your dreams… They’re so sweet to me.”

"You know what? Just wait here, I'll be back. I have to go to the nearest pharmacy for condoms" then both laughed hugging each other.

 

It was dark; so dark that you couldn’t even see the person you were kissing, it didn’t matter because that helped to forget the bad things and just submerge into sweet thoughts, into sweet dreams they never imagine before and where they could just have each other, at least for that night. They didn’t do anything beyond hugging and kissing but it felt so intimate, as if Youngjae finally was setting himself free from guilt and self-hate. He really hoped it was for real.

 

─────  ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

Youngjae was getting dressed with old clothes he found in his old closet: one of the only things clean and not eaten by rats was a big t-shirt with the faces of the four Gunshot Shelter members printed in the front. He was laughing to himself, how was possible he wore that once when he was young. He was putting the shirt on when Jaebeom screamed from the other room, the one with the piano, so Youngjae ran to check what happened.

 

“Jaebeom, what the”

The young man was already dressed up with a dark blue sweater lighter than the hoodie and with no faces on it. He was for some reason organizing the old vinyl collection Youngjae had left when he moved to the city.

“Youngjae, this is the first edition of Gunshot Shelter’s Genesis! Their first album IS EATEN BY THOSE DEMONS. I WILL BURN THEM--” his voice deactivated when he saw Youngjae, to be specific, when he looked at his naked arms.

“What?” Youngjae asked before noticing how he was staring at him too intensely surprised.

“You… I… I didn’t know you had tattoos” Youngjae was wearing a black tank top and for the first time he was showing his arms to the taller one. It wasn’t a big deal… he was not hiding them before, it was just he never had to show them to anyone else.

“They… They’re pretty old. Sometimes I forget I have them”

“How can you forget them? They must have a meaning doesn’t it?”

“Yeah… An old meaning” he put on the big t-shirt, now giving his back to the piano where Jaebeom was.

“Tell me”

“I don’t want to talk about it right now”

“Oh… Okay”

“I’m sorry”

“It’s okay, Youngjae. I don’t give up easily and you know it. I can wait”

“Why do you have to be so sweet? I hate you.”

“I know you love me. Or at least you love my body” that made Youngjae laugh.

The previously arm-naked-man walked towards Jaebeom, he put his arms around his waist as in a hug and hid his face on his chest. He was getting braver.

“Ars Longa Vita Brevis, than means ‘Art longs forever even if life is short’, one of my first dreams as a teenager was to create music that lasted forever even if I die like the biggest artists. The other one is a ribbon, some years ago before I moved to Seoul, here was an accident near of the port. A ship which was overcharged sank and a lot of people included students who were in a school trip died, we… none of us could save them. That hit me too hard, all those students had dreams and they didn’t even have the chance to fight for them, I thought… ‘I’m running out of time. I have to hurry and reach my dreams’ and I really tried to take it easy, then my work got stolen… I got fired… My wife left me… It was too much and dreams kind of lose it’s meaning after all that.”

“You worked hard indeed, don’t give up”

“Ha… I think I’m too old”

“You’re not. I’m gonna help you”

“Yeah, whatever I’m going to help you first and then we can take care about me” he lifted his chin to kiss the opposite lips, to stop talking about his memories, to think just about this feeling. The feeling… the feeling of his hands being over Jaebeom’s back again pulling him on a deep kiss. Their height was almost the same; the younger one was a little slimmer than Youngjae but his shoulders were wider. He liked it. Maybe a third try was enough to change the old man’s mind and maybe they could… Just a little… Over the piano… The phone rang.

 

The phone rang again.

 

The phone rang one more time.

 

They had to break the kiss so Youngjae could answer the annoying sound. It was Yugyeom anyway, calling to tell them the plan Jinyoung had thought. It was simple, take psycho guy to a location and hold him until the police comes over.

 

“Have you talked about this on the chat?”, “No. I just think he might have his phone hacked”, “How did he knew he was at my place?”, “Yes, I have my ID, please send me money and I pay you later”, “We’re fine”, “Shut up”, “Tell Bambam he can choke”, “Ok”, “We’ll be back right now, I think is an excellent idea, like I said, is better to make him think Jinyoung is alone. Tell him to be careful, we are on our way”, “Okay, bye”.

 

Youngjae hang up the call and turned to face Jaebeom who was gone, he was not at the room anymore. From his back he only heard the sound of a flushing toilet and then the young man getting out of it. Youngjae saw nothing wrong.

“Are we leaving?” the man drying his hands was asking.

“Yeah, right now if you’re ready”

“I can wait to get home” he smiled.

“Jinyoung says he will be meeting **H.** ”

“What?”

“He says the police is looking for him. We can trick him to be at some place and then call the cops”

“W-what? No, are you crazy? I mean… I…” he stepped back.

“What’s wrong?” he was asking that question and he answer himself right away: obviously Jaebeom was scared of him. “I mean, I know is dangerous but Jinyoung came up with the idea and I think is too late to stop him. He needs our support.”

“I… Can I stay here then?”

“Hey, I’ll be there; me and the guys. He’s not alone. He can’t hurt you anymore, Jaebeom. I won’t let him”

“I don’t have to see him”

“Do as you want, but I won’t let you be alone here. Besides, you’re forgetting about Jinyoung, he needs you”

“Alright”

“We can come back here later, I promise” and he never used to make promises, it was like a dream, you couldn’t be sure it will be come true. He was making a promise for the first time in a while. “First, we need to take a boat, we go for my car and then we go to my house for my phone and your stuff. Then we wait until they know the place where they’re going. We call the cops and that fucker goes to jail before I can kill him” Jaebeom laughed a little, Youngjae kissed him a little and they left after saying good-bye to the little house.

 

 

─────  ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

 

“BOOMIE” it was him, it was his annoying voice, it was the man of the nightmares, the one who hurt the young boy years ago, the one who was claiming to be the only one who ever loved Jaebeom.

“Drop the gun, **H.** and I’ll let you touch me” he was shaking behind Youngjae and Youngjae was the shield between **H** ’s gun and Jaebeom.

Mark and Jackson were holding and protecting an unconscious Jinyoung, who was hit on the head just moments ago. Bambam and Yugyeom were protecting each other with a police shield. There was like ten cops but no one moved afraid if he would shoot at the couple he had in front.

“Tell the oldie to move then” the psychopath was demanding.

“I-Is okay, Youngjae, move.” He didn’t want to he was ready to seriously put a knife in that person’s neck, but the cops were there. “Youngjae will move but if you don’t drop the gun, I won’t let you touch me”

“As you say, baby. I won’t ever hurt you, you know it. You know I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you”

“Okay… One… Two… Three—“

After Yugyeom signal, Bambam hit that bad man with the shield and Youngjae pulled Jaebeom down to the ground in a blink. The crazy man shot twice to the wall luckily hitting no one in the place just the wall. The cops were over him immediately. He was screaming Jaebeom’s different nicknames and each time Youngjae (who was holding the mentioned one tightly in his arms) yelled Jaebeom’s name as loud as he could to not let that douchebag stay on the young man’s mind. For a screamers contest and to protect Jaebeom and his friends no one would ever beat Youngjae.

“Youngjae!” Jaebeom was yelling at him. “Youngjae! I… I love you but I need to breathe” he was squeezing Jaebeom’s body.

“I’m sorry” and he let go of him.

 

 

Their faces were on the news all over the place, dozens of people were around them curious about the scandal downtown, wanting to meet the people involved in the craziness in that hotel that was previously known as the most boring place to go, Bambam was talking to the reporters on TV bragging about how they captured the bad guy and Yugyeom was clarifying any exaggeration. A conscious Jinyoung was talking to a news website reporter altogether with Jackson and Mark.

 

Youngjae was talking to Jaebeom: 

“We shouldn’t hug in front of the reporters” he said.

He was not prepared after all.

 

 

 


	9. A threesome?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love jealous Jaebeom ♥

 

It could have been a happy afternoon celebrating the success of Jinyoung’s plan and also because psycho-guy was captured and the court was waiting for him. Only because Jinyoung had a contusion on his head that needed treatment so he had to go at the hospital (Jackson going with him), Bambam had a huge headache so Yugyeom took him saying they’ll be going to rest and that left Mark between an offended Jaebeom and Youngjae who was trying to defend his point of view.

 

“I’m not embarrassed! Is just…”

“I’m too young, come on, say it!”

“No! Is not what I meant!”

 

Mark was on the backseat while Youngjae was driving heading to the engineer’s house. He told to the couple that he didn’t need any company, he was fine, he just needed some rest but they said they were worried. Jaebeom was whining from the passenger seat.

 

“I was scared and I was feeling really relieved when you were hugging me and then you pushed me because there were reporters. How did you expect me to feel?”

“I’m telling you, I don’t want to cause you problems. We still have a contest to win, remember? And I’m your instructor, I’m also friend of the two creators, we need to show them how impartial they are. Do you like them to say ‘they won because their influences’? Do you want that?”

“… No”

“I didn’t hear you”

“No! I don’t want that”

“Good.” Good news for Mark that was the last word of the fight, then they just left him at his house; Jaebeom wanted to buy a new cellphone. “We’ll come back later” they said after waving his hands to say good-bye. Mark could only smile because of the weird couple they were.

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

“Are you at Mark’s already? I just want to buy some food first; Mark looked really tired probably he hasn’t eaten properly. Yeah, I’ll be there soon. Bye.” Talking to Jaebeom over the phone, maybe it was not weird, but it was uncomfortable, he wouldn’t admit it but he preferred talking to him in person and to look at him and his reactions. He was smiling just thinking about it.

Youngjae was at the convenience store buying meat, eggs and some vegetables, and then he saw the beer. He smiled wider while asking him if it was ok to bring some. It was so long ago when he had a drink party, at Yugyeom and Bambam’s wedding he just drank champagne; not fun at all. He asked Jaebeom and the young male was agreed; there was no reason to not enjoy it.

 

 

Jaebeom opened the door when the party-old-guy arrived. They didn’t think it too much when they said hi with a little kiss on the lips, it felt so natural and so new at the same time, he wanted more but Mark interrupted.

“Do I needed to watch this?” he said with sleepy voice.

“I don’t know. Do you want to?” Youngjae said and both laughed, apparently Jaebeom didn’t got the joke so he just smiled.

“Let me help you” Mark offered.

 

Both young males helped Youngjae with the bags and after putting everything on the kitchen table the cooking started. Youngjae knew he wasn’t the best cooker in town but didn’t expect Jaebeom to be so good at it. It looked like he was in his own world while cutting some onions and carrots, Mark was still feeling down so he wasn’t doing too much and Youngjae was just enjoying the show.

 

“What about a game. A drinking game” the older one suggested.

“Wow, Youngjae, I didn’t know you were this kind of guy” Mark pointed making fun of him.

“What are you talking about? I just want to make it fun” he laughed.

“What do you have in mind?” Jaebeom asked with his eyes on the celery.

“Question and answer. You ask, if answer is no you say it and do nothing, if your answer is yes you say nothing but drink from your cup”

“Sounds fun, can we ask anything?” Jaebeom was putting attention.

“Yeah, why not?” Youngjae was giving the plastic cups with the dark beverage smiling so hard, for some reason he was excited. It was the first time drinking with them, even if they were incomplete. He was a strong drinker and was curious about Jaebeom capability. “Let me start. Is your name Jaebeom?”

Jaebeom laughed and proceeded to drink a little from his cup before talking “My turn?” Youngjae nodded “Ehm… Do you think Youngjae is the devil?” the three of them drank from his cup and then laughed together.

“Have you ever thought about leaving Mark resting in his house alone?” the both involved answered with a “no” at the same time, Mark drank a bit more making them giggle.

The questions were getting more personal but everyone was enjoying while the food was getting ready. Youngjae was not sure if they were really good actors or they were really that good drinking. His thoughts were interrupted at Jaebeom’s question: “Did you bring condoms?”

Youngjae smiled and drank from his cup, Jaebeom ears got pink and Mark laughed before asking the next question: “Are you agree with threesomes?”

“A threesome?” Jaebeom asked confused. He looked at Youngjae with arched eyebrows that changed to lifted ones when Youngjae drank to answer Mark’s question. He turned his back to them and said “I’m not. I’m not agreed”.

Youngjae knew Mark was playing. That he just wanted Jaebeom to answer that question and Youngjae just wanted to play along so he drank jokingly not expecting for Jaebeom to get that annoyed. He was feeling bad and wanted to clear things up. “Are you ok there?” he asked to the one cooking.

Jaebeom lifted his cup all way up finishing his drink and smashed the cup with the table causing a big sound with his fist. “We’re missing the ramen” he said lowering his voice.

“What? Oh, I must forgot it”

“I'll go and buy it” the redhead was offering to get out of the fight, but Jaebeom stopped him.

“No, I want to talk to you. Youngjae, please go for the ramen”

It wasn’t a question, Youngjae agreed only because Mark said it was okay. He ran to the nearest 24/7 store to buy the blessed ramen. He was waiting for the cashier to help other customers when he got the messages at his phone: a bunch of Jaebeom messages and notifications from twitter tags, and then YugBam appeared just to make things worse saying something about Youngjae leaving Jaebeom alone.

He felt stupid, it was really so necessary to leave them alone for freaking ramen? Maybe the beer was making him take bad decisions but now he was running back to Mark’s place just to find him screaming through the bathroom door.

“Oh my God Youngjae, I’m sorry I tried to stop him” Mark was apologizing.

“It’s my fault. What happened?”

“He just asked me if I was interested on you and I said no, then he lied down on the couch to drink more. I thought he was messaging with you and then I saw the post on twitter. I tried to take his phone away from him but he didn’t let me, he locked himself in the bathroom and I’ve been trying to talk to him but he just doesn’t answer”.

The elder male stepped by the door and shouted “Jaebeom? It’s me, Youngjae”.

Quickly as a blink Jaebeom opened the door and pulled Youngjae inside with him. Mark shouted worried for Youngjae. “Jaebeom, open the door. If you hurt Youngjae, we will never forgive you. Open the door or I’ll break it”

“It’s okay Mark. I can handle it. I’ll scream if something bad happens”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I think so”.

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

Inside the bathroom, seating on the closed toilet, with a kneeled Jaebeom wrapping his arms on his waist and his face over his lap, there was Youngjae trying to calm down a hurt man. He never thought he would see him like this. It was not his intention. Youngjae was feeling like the worst person in the earth.

 

“You’ll never leave me right?” he cried.

“No, Jaebeom. How could I?”

“What if Mark takes you away?”

“If I don’t want that, I won’t go anywhere”

“Then marry me”

 

The taller one took Youngjae’s body with an incredible strength and put him over the sink, each of the elder male legs getting around his tights and Jaebeom’s hands on his butt. Just because the sink where he was seated was tall or probably he could feel his partner’s boner.

 

“Marry me” he repeated looking directly to his eyes, so sincere that hurt. Dark beer was like a truth potion or what?

“Are you saying this truly?”

“Yes… Um… Actually I’m not sure what’s going on”

Youngjae laughed “Why do you even want to get married?”

“To be with you forever” Jaebeom put his face over the other’s shoulder, breathing against his neck. Youngjae put his arms around his neck.

“I got married once and it didn’t last forever”

“I’ll be different”

“How?”

“I don’t know” again, they chuckled. “I just want to see you happy”

“I’m happy now”

“But there’s something missing”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. What do you need?”

“I…“ he wasn’t sure if he should answer sincerely or not, could Jaebeom remember tomorrow? “I really wish I could enjoy the happiness you want to give me”

“I would do anything for you” he put his lips over Youngjae’s neck making him shiver in response. “Do you miss your wife and want to get back with her? I’ll help you”

“What? What about you? Don’t you like me?”

“No. I love you” and he kissed his neck again making him blush. “I can let you go if that’s what you really want, even if it hurts, even if you forget about me, even if you go away, I just want to see you happy”

Youngjae wrapped his arms tightly over the other's neck feeling his chest getting warmer, like no other feeling before, even if those words were only because of the heat of the moment, it really meant a lot to him “I want you to be happy…”

“But before that happens” he interrupted. “I will fuck you first. Or I’ll let you fuck me, I’m not sure yet”

“What?” Youngjae laughed not able to believe what he just heard.

“Yeah, I’ll make you mine, I’ll drive you crazy for me, so hard that you would want to be with me so badly, that would make difficult to leave me and even if I let you go, I’ll trust you’ll be back at some point”.

“I didn’t know you were this possessive” he giggled.

“It’s just equal exchange; I’m so yours, you drive me crazy all the time, is so hard to let you go and I’m sure you know I want to be with you forever”

“I know” he sighed just enjoying their closeness, just for a few minutes until he spoke again “Let’s get out of here. It’s getting cold and I’m getting tired”

“Out there is Mark, what if he tries to steal my phone again?”

“He won’t”

“What if he takes you away?”

“I don’t want that, Jaebeom. I’ll be with you, I promise”

 

Jaebeom put him gently on the floor, he took the chair that was blocking the door and they get out from there finally, they both were holding hands and walked through the alley looking for Mark’s room, Youngjae just wanted to check if he was okay. They found it; the boy was lying on his futon.

 

“Mark?”

“Uh?”

“Are you okay?”

“Uh… Yeah, I was so tired, I’m sorry”

“Don’t worry, I’m okay. We’re taking the couch to sleep”

“Go ahead, I’m don’t have a different room for you, I’m sorry”

“Don’t worry, thank you”

 

The couple walked in silence until they lied down on the couch. Youngjae laid down first and let Jaebeom lay on top of him. They both kissed like it weren’t some of their first times, but it was the most memorable for Youngjae. He let the drunken man be and he enjoyed it at the point to feel a little bad because he had no idea if he would even remember it the next day. He spread his legs to catch him between them, letting a soft moan escape at the moment when he felt their erections meet.

He liked it.

"Now you have protection, right?" even drunk, Jaebeom remembered that detail.

"Yeah, but we're not gonna do it here. Are you crazy?" he whispered.

"Yes I am"

The old man drank less than a cup and that was nothing for him, it was just the moment when he had him so close; that was the moment when he was feeling the drunkest ever in his life. Who would know what could happen tomorrow? Who would know what others will say? Who would know if their relationship will work?

Who cares?

He was dying for more, he was going crazy, but thank goodness he wasn't that drunk. He took control before commiting something they could regret the day after. They kept kissing each other until Jaebeom got weaker and felt asleep. Youngjae getting his fingers through his hair, pulling them softly until both were cooling down.

 

Youngjae was finally getting braver just thinking “Maybe I can enjoy this after all”.

 

 


	10. Are you sure?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay :c

 

The sun had didn’t even come out yet but Youngjae couldn’t stand it one minute more. His hands ran through the taller back when he helped him to take off his shirt, he took off the necklace he had on and put it on a safer place, he grabbed the younger one by waist to stand him up and helped him to take off his pants leaving him only with boxers. He pushed him down to lay him on his back, they kissed a little why not but the old man refused to go further, the other’s breathe smell was enough to make him stop.

The young male was more than excited and that was noticeable in his crotch which didn’t last too long because Youngjae turned on the cold water.

“OH MY GOD IS TOO COLD!” he reacted.

“Don’t cry. This is for who knows how much you drink yesterday.”

“Youngjae, I’m freezing” he spoke teeth grinding.

“You deserve it… Actually, I deserve it too because I was stupid” the bath was filled up and then he turned off the water tap.

“I’m out of here!” he said trying to push the elder man.

“No. I don’t want you to have a headache” he calmed the young one down by caressing his hair with a hand. Jaebeom opened his eyes to watch a smiley Youngjae.

“You’re enjoying this, don’t you?”

“Of course no. Shit, Jaebeom what were you thinking?”

“I don’t remember…wait I do. I was angry because…”

“Because we’re stupid people. I shouldn’t have make you jealous, I’m sorry”

“No, I was, wait. Were you trying to make me jealous?”

“I wasn’t trying… It was fun though so I kept playing along. Never again or at least, with no alcohol near you” he ran his finger on Jaebeom’s hair making him shiver not only because of the coldness of the water. The younger one was calmed though; he was staring at Youngjae like in a trance.

Youngjae helped him to stand out from the bathtub and then to dry his body with a towel. They were both adults, he knew how to control his impulses but they were both adults; sometimes he just wanted to let his impulses take control. Jaebeom leaned his body over him because he was still a little dizzy or maybe he was a good actor.

“Would you like me to take off your underwear” Youngjae said.

“Yes” the young one said distracted.

“Not right now though” he laughed, threw the towel over Jaebeom’s head to dry his hair. “Get dress and help me to prepare breakfast, is the less we could do for Mark. And don’t get jealous, he’s your friend and also my friend”

“I know, I know”

“By the way… You still have my ring, I honestly forgot about you having it”

“You told me to keep it”

“Yes, in your drawer or something, I wasn’t expecting you to have it as a necklace”

“Is important for you, I didn’t want to risk it”

“I don’t know what to do with it… I don’t want to throw it or sell it neither wear it again. Oh God” he interrupted himself “Hurry and dress up you’re shivering, Jaebeom”

Youngjae left Jaebeom alone so he could put on clothes. He waited on the kitchen where Mark was already up and they talked for a while about how none of them knew how to cook properly. The younger one told him the story of his famous ramen recipe and a little about his home and how much he missed his family.

Jaebeom showed up with a sleepy face but smiled generally until he reached the kitchen table. After some of his instructions Youngjae and Mark helped him to get the breakfast ready. The day ran as a normal one.

They finally leave Mark alone making sure he had the necessary and then went to visit Jinyoung and that took all the afternoon telling him and Jackson about his adventure at Mark’s house. They didn’t miss the chance to make fun of Jaebeom and to scold him with Jinyoung’s “I told you”

At night, Youngjae finally home alone, he was happy he opened a bit more about his feelings, he was happy to meet those kids and he was happy to have met Jaebeom.

“Crap, I forgot about my ring again”.

 

────── ♦ ♦ ♦ ──────

 

A few weeks later at Jinyoung’s studio; Mark, Jaebeom and Youngjae were talking about the songs they would use, talking about Jinyoung, he had an idea for the choreography so they only needed to wait for him because he had a surprise test at college. Jackson was just arriving from fencing practice.

“Youngjae! Youngjae! Youngjae!” the fencer yelled excited. “They said yes! We can use the gym as a dance practice room!”

“That’s a relief! Thank you for talking to them!” said the older man.

“We can use it at night, any day from 10pm to midnight. Is that okay?”

“That’s perfect”

Jackson smiled relieved too. He joined to the conversation and minutes later Jinyoung came too. They talked about the songs and discussed about the line distribution and the dance moves. Youngjae showed them a vocal guide of one of his songs and all of them did a good job following it, the elder one was proud, he was getting confident about the show.

 

Eleven in the night, they all tried to stay focused but Youngjae saw their tired faces, he sent them to their respective home. All of them had their own car; Mark used to walk because his and Jackson’s apartment was really close from the studio but Jackson’s gym was near of Jinyoung’s college (one hour and a half from there) so the fencer usually offered himself as a driver and when Jinyoung wouldn’t bring his car Jaebeom usually was the one taking him home because they lived in a duplex apartment at an hour from there.

This time was an exception though.

“Youngjae-hyung?”

“It really doesn’t bothers me if you only call me by my name, Jinyoung”

“I know. I’m so used to”

“It doesn’t matter, tell me what’s wrong”

“I need to talk to you alone” he was whispering while the others were joking around and laughing out loud. Now that he was noticing Jinyoung was the most quiet among them even Mark had a lousy voice.

“S-sure. Eh… Guys?” they shut their mouths. “I’ll take Jinyoung home. I need to talk to him”

They didn’t question him, it was weird but they knew it was important if Youngjae was the one requesting it. Everybody said goodbye, the old man got up on the car and Jinyoung went to the passenger side.

Jaebeom stood at the driver’s door just to ask Youngjae with his eyes if everything was okay and he just nodded. Both stretched their necks to say goodbye with a kiss, a long one to assure him everything was going to be alright. Or that’s what he was hoping.

 

────── ♦ ♦ ♦ ──────

 

“Jinyoung, I don’t want to pressure but… We’re almost there and you haven’t talked at all” the young one didn’t talk. Youngjae parked in front of their apartment, it was his first time there, it took his time to remember the road. “Jinyoung?”

“I can’t go to the show”

“What?”

“I’m so sorry. I… I’m working so hard at college and my father is giving me more work at the company. My mom is worried, yesterday I fainted. My sister saw me fortunately and she helped me before my father arrived home. I… I’ve been thinking about it so much, I don’t know what to do. I really like to be with you and Jackson, and Jaebeom, and Mark. I like to sing with all of you… I really do… but…” by this moment he was strangely smiling with tears on his eyes.

Youngjae knew about Jinyoung and his father’s company, he wasn’t sure what his job was but it was an investor company in charge of who knows how many accounts. He knew Jinyoung was studying to follow his father steps in the business world. He didn’t know he had that much pressure.

“I don’t want you to quit but if is that what you want… If is that what you need, I’ll understand. I’m sure they’ll understand. Don’t be afraid”.

“I’m doing it for Jaebeom, I know the hell he has been through and when he came with this idea after more than one year of being locked in his room… I couldn’t reject him. I brought that studio, I asked Mark to bring his _machines_ to make music and he was so grateful because there was no room at his house and when I mentioned it to Jackson he asked excited to join. Everyone was more than happy including me, is just… college and the company… I’m the only boy… They’ll be so disappointed if I quit…”

“Look Jinyoung, I’m too old…”

“I’m sorry I just wanted to talk to someone. I don’t want to worry the boys”

“No, listen to me. You are so young and there are a lot of opportunities in your hands. I can’t imagine the pressure you’re having. When I was young my parents weren’t agree with me to be a musician so I quit college and started having part-time jobs to pay a music school. My parents didn’t kick me out of home; I just didn’t want to burden them. I lived like that for a year and then I got a job at a small music company, I used to compose jingles” he laughed. It was so fun at the beginning. “I was happy, I met a cute girl who used to sing my songs and I married her. Then… I got divorced… What I’m trying to say is: Life is about decisions. You need to decide what you want to do. Even if you quit music of quit college is your decision but is not the end of your life. If you make a mistake, you can change it later. If I wouldn’t have quit college, I wouldn’t have married or divorced but also I wouldn’t have met Jaebeom. And think it like this: you have my support and your friends support. Don’t be afraid”

Jinyoung burst in tears, his face over his own lap covering his eyes with his hands. For this reason he wanted to be alone, the elder one felt touched, he said words he would have loved someone said to him back then when he was having trouble with similar situations. He patted his shoulder and offered a tissue from the glove box (he usually have those because of his allergies). They stayed there for a little while in silence, Jinyoung wiped his eyes and he thanked him before getting down and entering home.

 

────── ♦ ♦ ♦ ──────

 

Youngjae was arriving home almost at 1 am. He almost got down from his car when his phone rang. He smiled thinking about Jaebeom but his eyebrows met when he saw a different ID on the screen. He answered concerned “Jackson?”

“ _Youngjaaeeeee_ ” he said playfully.

“Are you drunk?”

“ _NO. Ugh, never again_ ”

“What happened then?”

“ _So I can’t call you now?_ ”

“Is one in the morning Jackson, I know something happened”

“ _I hate you_ ” the boy laughed, he sounded so sad though.

“Spit it”

“ _I can’t go to the show_ ”

“What?” he said for the second time in the night.

“ _I’m sorry, I…_ ” he sounded like crying. Youngjae heard an ambulance siren in the background.

“Aren’t you home?”

“ _I’m just taking a walk out here; I don’t want Mark to get worried if he sees me like this_ ”

“Tell me, I’m all ears”

“ _Youngjae… I’m in the middle of college and I got in there thanks to my fencing skills. My parents are huge athletes from China, they taught me everything I know, they’re such a good parents, I love them and they’re expecting me to be the next Olympic star. I wanted it too… It’s just… I feel in love with music._ ”

“Oh, Jackson” he said emphatically.

“ _I don’t know what to do. I barely sleep practicing our songs and the dances and then going to collage to be a professional athlete and then at the gym to practice fencing for the next tournament that is in October._ ”

“Damn”

“ _Exactly. Youngjae… Youngjae-hyung_ ”

Youngjae took a deep breath before speaking, he wanted to help these kids so much but he wasn’t able to take decisions for them. He basically told Jackson the same story he told to Jinyoung and added a bit more of emotion because he was getting nostalgic remembering how he was feeling when he was younger.

Youngjae barely liked to talk over the phone because it wasn’t the same as talking on person, he thought all the feelings were not able to convey because of the distance but he was there crying and hearing the fencer boy cry. This time he wasn’t able to offer a tissue and he apologized making the other one laugh.

“Thanks, hyung”

“It’s nothing; you can always talk to me”

“Thanks… I’ll let you know my decision”

 

────── ♦ ♦ ♦ ──────

 

Youngjae had 7 missing calls from Jaebeom, he got in his house passing 2 am, he wasn’t sure if he should call him so he sent a message telling him he was safe and two minutes right after Jaebeom called again.

“Jaebeom-ah~” he sang.

“ _I was worried…_ ”

“I’m fine, don’t worry”

“ _Are you sure?_ ”

“You will be the first one to know something’s wrong”

“ _Really?_ ”

“Yes. Even if I say nothing you’re intrusive enough”

“ _Hey…_ ” he yawned. “ _I do because I care_ ”

“I know but I’m okay, I’m home, I’ll just take a shower and I’ll be on bed in a blink”

“ _I’ll do so then. See you tomorrow or in a few hours_ ” he smiled, Youngjae heard it.

“Jaebeom?”

“ _Hmm?_ ”

“Good night” he smiled.

“ _Good night, Youngjae_ ” he said probably smiling too.

 

Usually the old man just hangs up the fun with no good-bye-words, this time he was saying them. Today he remembered about all his life decisions and how thanks to them he was right at that spot smiling like a dork and being shy just by saying “goodnight”.

Life tends to change after all.


	11. Are you scared?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's chapter has the little appearance of some other idols. JUST in case you don't know them let me tell you their names
> 
> Dowoon (DAY6)  
> Sungjae (BTOB)  
> Dahyun (Twice)  
> Lisa (Blackpink)  
> Zelo (BAP)
> 
> In this story all of them are near their 30's (just as Youngjae) and the rest of the members are younger.  
>  **Enjoy!**

 

It was Bambam birthday party, more than that it was a huge event with the assistance of all the contesters of “Young & Rich” (their artists’ survival show). Even Youngjae was surprised, his Thai friend usually organized small dinners at home and this one looked like a big concert.

He tried to dress well. A few hours ago Jaebeom messaged him asking how to dress and he told him to just wear normal clothes, now he didn’t know what “normal clothes” meant. He needed to use his normal clothes, something black and that’s it but there will be more teams and their guides who probably were famous people, right?

It was the first time he took close of two hours to put on nice clothes (blue jeans, white shirt under a red-brown unbuttoned one and black boots) he also tried a different hairstyle. He watcheda YouTube tutorial of how to self-made a perm and it looked nice, he was so embarrassed but it was too late to regret it. It was too late; he needed to hurry up to make it on time.

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

They were there along with thousands of people invited to meet the boys who would participate in the show; reporters, vloggers, producers and some other people Yugyeom and Bambam knew. There were divided in sections were the contesters had their own table. The staff told them (to Youngjae and his boys) where to sit and they followed the instructions.

“We're missing a member” Youngjae said to the people helping them. “He’s taller than me, slim, two dots on his eyelid, his name is Jaebeom and he’s late” they told the elder one they will look for him. Youngjae was so worried for Jaebeom that he for an instant forgot about the other people next to him: the other contesters.

“OH MY GOD” Jackson said noticing the man who was walking towards them.

“Youngjae” said the mysterious person.

“Y-YOON DOWOON” Jackson said nonbelieving who the guy he had in front was, they all were like looking to an entity.

“Dowoon?” said the man surprised. “Don’t tell me you’re a contester” the mentioned just shrugged his shoulders confirming what Youngjae said. “No way! I haven’t seeing you since college”

“Yeah, I got a job in a Canadian label, I’m leading a group of trainees here in Korea” he pointed to a table with four young men making fun of the tallest one among them. “They awesome, this is not going to be easy”

“Trainees… Huh?”

“What about you?”

“Me? Oh, yeah! I’ll be helping them.” He pointed to the excited boys on his table each of them vowed down to say hi. “Jackson, Jinyoung and Mark. Also a boy named Jaebeom who’s not here yet. We’re independent.”

“I see. That’s cool, your own company!”

“Yeah something like that”

“Have you seen anyone else?”

“No, only you”

 

They looked around; there were like another 8 groups each one with their distinctive guide and leader. Youngjae knew no one past their faces and names; he never talked to them before or never dared.

The elder group (with members who looked older), he knew the name of the leader **Yook Sungjae** who has the same age as Dowoon, a year elder than him. There was **Im Chang Kyun** ,he had the same age as him (31), his group looked aggressive but they were laughing loudly.

There was also girls groups, Youngjae only knew **Kim Dahyun**  (two years younger than him) who was on a table with other 8 young girls; and lastly to a famous Thai rapper (friend of Bambam) **Lalisa Manoban** , her group had only three members ─it was a relief, they were not the smallest group─. All the other groups were unknown to him.

 

“Youngjae-hyung” said a voice he knew. Youngjae turned his face to see over his shoulder.

“ **Choi Junhong** ” Youngjae answered with a tone of disdain in his voice. He knew him; he used to be a co-worker at the company which he used to work. When they thought they had a dream job. “Did you come to steal more songs?”

Junhong eyes turned sad and Youngjae felt it “Youngjae, I didn’t do it”.

 “Yeah I’m sorry, I thought I forgot about you. You know what? I don’t want to talk about it. Nice to meet you again, good bye”

“Youngjae-hyung!” the other Choi said.

“Youngjae! It’s your turn to present yourself and your team!” someone from the staff said. That’s how their conversation ended.

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

“Who else is here because Bambam made us believe it was because of his birthday?” Youngjae said on the stage putting his hand up, before going up probably he felt nervous but once in front of all the people naturally he just let his words go out. “He’s… a word now I can’t say right now because I’m a nice person”

He had the audience captive. He was proud he didn’t fell off the stairs when he was going up. He introduced himself as an independent composer and introduced his team saying their names and the team name they decided together “GOT7” (because 7 was their new lucky number). When he finished he was getting down and saw Junhong waiting for him. Youngjae tried to ignore him but he called his name:

 

“Youngjae-hyung” Junhong said.

“Youngjae!” Jaebeom said.

“Youngjae?” Junhong said a second time but not to our Youngjae.

“Uh… Youngjae” Jaebeom repeated to his Youngjae. “I want you to meet someone. This is Yoo Youngjae, I can’t believe it!” He was with an unknown young man holding hands. “He’s an old friend, we used to live in the same neighborhood as kids so many years ago and now I found him again, isn't crazy?”

“Really? Jaebeom have mentioned an old friend. Was he the one who you used to eat his breakfast?”

“I KNEW IT WAS YOU?” the second Youngjae said.

“NO! What? I didn’t… I wasn’t… YOUNGJAE” our Youngjae was laughing out loud.

“Youngjae…” Junhong tried a third time but the staff stopped him telling him it was his turn to go up on stage.

 

“Youngjae, this is Youngjae. I like to think of him as my boyfriend” Jaebeom said sincerely. Yoo Youngjae opened his eyes widely and smiling. Choi Youngjae was blushing.

“I never… I… No…” he was out of words.

“He says we need to keep it as a secret because…”

“Seriously Jaebeom, we need to…”

“He won’t say anything. Don’t worry”

“Yeah, I won’t” Yoo said “I mean I kinda understand your reasons. Jaebeom usually is too stupid”

“HEY”

“Now you can let your hands go” the elder man said and both young boys laughed.

 

Junhong introduced himself as “Zelo”. He was a teacher from an International Art School in Seoul. He introduced his team and explained the way he selected his students to come at the contest. He was so sure they would win; it was something all the trainers will need to say anyways. All of the leaders introduced themselves and their team name. Then Bambam and Yugyeom went up to say the final words and even if was obvious, the reason of the event: to introduce the survival show and take some pre-recording shots.

 

“Now, just enjoy the party!” the married couple said.

 

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

 

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t know why you are asking. Of course it’s not a problem to take you home, Youngjae”

“It’s so late. The dinner was delicious, Bambam cooks so well. But it’s so late!”

“I don’t care”

“Of course you don’t care. You like to stay on my bed”

“I won’t deny it” he chuckled.

 

Youngjae gave Jaebeom a comfy pajama and when he himself got dress to sleep both went down to bed. Both agreed to sleep in the same bed since they were talking nonstop. Jaebeom was talking about Yoo Youngjae and their infinite antics when they were kids. Youngjae wasn’t talking about himself that much so the taller man dared to ask.

 

“It looked like you knew this Zelo person”

“Yeah…”

“Is he that bad?”

“Honestly I don’t know”

“What do you mean?”

“We used to work together. And he was there when my music got stolen. I fronted him but he told me nothing. He refused to talk”

“How did you know it was him?”

“He had my music sheets on his desk. His handwriting was over them. I ask him. I ask him why and again he said nothing”.

“He wanted to talk with you today”

“Yes, but I was too angry just by looking at him. I didn’t wanted to say anything useless”

“You should, maybe the next time. At least you should listen to him”

“I know… I know” Youngjae closed his eyes to deep breathe and then opened them again to look at a well-known Jaebeom curious face.

“Youngjae…?” he said hesitantly. “Was your wife a good person?”

“What?” Youngjae was confused. Not offended but confused for the sudden question.

“I’m curious. Is it too hard to answer? Are you… Are you still in love with her?”

Youngjae took his time to think his words. He closed the distance from each other and kept the eye contact once he felt ready to talk “I loved her. She was just… Too good for me. She help me when I was working late, she cheered me up when I was feeling down and we started to spend all the day together, like my best friend and I usually did the same for her at the beginning. I thought I wanted to keep doing my life with her and that’s why I asked her to marry me. Everything was fine until I got fired. I didn’t support her career, I was too busy being a stubborn jerk and I leave her alone. She deserves someone else; someone better than me I thought”

“Wow… I don’t even compare to her”

“You don’t have to”

“I can barely support you, I think of myself more like a charge for you. I also dragged you to help me and my friends. Now that I think about it, I’m an awful person.”

“You don’t have to because… Because it’s not the same with you”

“Uh?”

“Yeah. Don’t overreact but… I think you… I don’t want to compare you and her, you’re totally different people and I don’t think of her anymore. I used to… I used to think of what could have happen if I have had tried harder. Would I still be with her? Probably but I wouldn’t have met you. She made me happy. Now I’m trying to be happy with you and believe it or not, it’s so fun. I feel happy, I can tell you that. I feel so different when I'm with you. just… I can’t explain. I’m… Uhg, just forget it. I’m wasting your time. Go to sleep please.” He turned over the bed to face the opposite side of the bed and to give his back to Jaebeom.

Youngjae closed his eyes and hugged himself making him look like a ball above the sheets. Jaebeom was silent for a minute until he let his hands go above the sheets covering Youngjae’s body. Back-hugging Youngjae it felt like the most intimate moment between them. Jaebeom kissed his nape and ear and the elder man felt his body like jelly.

“Let’s watch a movie tomorrow” the taller one whispered at his ear. “Here in your place. You can use my Netflix. I will cook so you can relax.” He held Youngjae’s body tighter. “This is why you’re scared, don’t you? Are you scared the same will happen to me?”

“Sleep, Jaebeom”

“I won’t let that happen”

“Goodnight…” he said barely with sound coming from his lips.

“You’re stuck with me for eternity”

Youngjae laughed. He turned to looked at Jaebeom with a smile “Good night, Jaebeom”

Both long kissed, Youngjae arms went over the younger man shoulders, getting their bodies closer than ever before, Jaebeom’s body totally up over the other one. He could maybe have dare to go further, he was so close, he really wanted to, they really need it; Youngjae tears didn’t let him.

How much Jaebeom wanted to assured him his feelings were real. How much Youngjae wanted to believe in his words. Nothing would change so quickly, right? Jaebeom realized at this moment he has done nothing for Youngjae, how he could trust him like that?

Things had to change.

 

A challenge was getting near them after all.

 

 


	12. What if it hurts you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you like reading this part.  
> I try hard to make it enjoyable asdhfk

 

Youngjae wanted to sleep all day, he had finally finished with all his work for the week and even had time to fix some works for the boys, he had nothing to worry, except for his date with Jaebeom. Fortunately Coco woke him up licking his face.

“Uhg, Coco…” Luckily Youngjae would never be angry at her. “Coco… What should I wear? You are right, maybe it doesn’t matter, maybe I will have to take it off anyway- WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING?”

He hurried to take a shower and put on normal clothes, he still had his hair kind of curled because of that perm from a week ago, he didn’t know how to put it straight again. He could ask Bambam but probably he would ask the reason and nag about that night and… nah. Yugyeom told him to put on lotion tough.

“I’m nervous, Coco” he said looking at the little doggie through the mirror. “Coco-yah~ Should I take you to Bambam’s place just for tonight…? No. Haha, it’s not like… I’m not… We are not…” Youngjae took his dog to Bambam’s place anyway.

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

“I’ve never thought you really knew how to cook” Youngjae said with food in his mouth covering it with one hand while the other was filling his spoon with more food.

“What are you talking about? You saw me at Mark’s right?

“That was ramen, this is… What the hell is this? I don’t even know the name of the plate but it's so good!”

“I’m trying my best so you can eat like in heaven”

“Are you trying to win my heart with food?”

“Yes.”

Unnecessary, Youngjae thought, he already had won it, now it was Youngjae himself the one who needed to win confidence to show him. Maybe words are useless for this kind of feelings, that was his motivation but he was feeling incomplete.

Youngjae didn’t let the young man to even touch the dishes; he was going to do it since he didn’t help to cook. Jaebeom was not agree but Youngjae convinced him telling him they could talk more meanwhile. The taller one asked about his days before college, when he decided to go for a music career and how he was feeling right at this moment.

Jaebeom asked about his wife again, not because he was feeling jealous or anything, he was just so curious and Youngjae didn’t feel awkward. Youngjae pulled up his cellphone to show him some old pictures of him and her and even some conversations. A series of moments when she was starting her acting career and Youngjae was not present. When he was just focused on keeping his job and then frustrated after losing it.

“Don’t freak out” he said going back to the dishes. “I have these screenshots but haven’t seen them since I met you actually. I used to stared at those conversations to not forget the awful person I was”

“You’re not an awful person”

“That’s how you make me feel. I wonder myself if it’s right to depend on that. Am I using you to feel better?”

“That’s not the case. You’re a better person for yourself. You have changed”

“Have I? How do you know? You don’t know me at all”

“I can see it. You know, I’m going to delete all this pictures because this is your stupid self from the past. I know you’re different now”

“Don’t do it” he felt like jumping but in reality he didn’t move a finger. He whispered again “Don’t”

“I did it”

“I’m not a different person” his hands were in the water when he felt the other’s hands over his.

“You’re a good person”

 

Goosebumps, weak legs, warm cheeks and cold lips going through all his neck. He never felt like this before, he has felt embarrassment and shyness but never this. What was the name? Who cares? Jaebeom took him by the waist to close his body belly-to-belly. He really wanted to enjoy this. Why was he not enjoying this?

“Jaebeom” He exhaled. “Wait a moment” but Jaebeom kissed him harder. For the first time they tasted each other’s tongue. It’s not like he never tasted one before, this one felt sweet and it was looking for the other fearlessly like starving when they just eaten dinner.

His cellphone vibrated. He did nothing else more than keep sucking the younger male’s lips.

His cellphone vibrated a second time. he threw it far away from them to the couch and luckily it landed safely. It was unbelievable, he would never admit it but he was getting crazy to feel that dick. He was desperate. Whas this okay? It was correct to feel in this way?

The doorbell rang.

 

“Fucking damn it. If the boys came I swear I’ll kill them. I swear…” Youngjae pushed Jaebeom angrily. “Let me tell them to fuck off” he said heavily breathing.

“Just pretend you’re not home”

“They know we’re here.”

 

The doorbell rang again.

“Ok, I’ll tell them. Wait here” one last chick kiss and then he ran to the door that was ringing a third time.

 

Jaebeom brushed his hair back with a hand, deep breathed and then opened the door “Do you really had to come, shitheads?” he said expecting to be his friends. It wasn’t them. The young male opened his eyes widely before saying “Park Jimin?”

“YAY!” said a tiny voice under them, a small creature running inside the house and Jaebeom couldn’t stop her.

“Mimi!” the female yelled to the little girl. “Oh god, I’m so sorry I was looking for other person. I guess he doesn’t live here anymore”

“W-who are you looking for?” he was still nonbelieving what was in front of his eyes.

“Choi Youngjae”

“Jamie?” the elder man called with the kid in his arms.

“Youngjae?” she looked surprised. Jaebeom looked at both, the kid and Youngjae. He had nothing in his head he didn’t wanted to think of it but Jimin interrupted. “She’s Mimi: your daughter”

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

Both elders were talking at the kitchen meanwhile Jaebeom was taking care of the little girl in the living room. Usually kids cry on presence of him (Youngjae learn that from one time they were on a convenience store, a funny story for later) but this little lady was clinging on his arm and laughing loudly every time Jaebeom talked. Youngjae told to his ex-wife to go at the studio and told Jaebeom to stay with the kid there.

 

“How, How old is she?” Youngjae ask her, he was holding a glass of water and the female took it.

“She’ll be 7 years old on September”

“She doesn't look like... Jamie you're lying, right?”

“You’re still hanging out with Yugyeom and Bambam?”

“Yes. They got married this year”

“Married to whom?”

“Each other”

“What? No way! I’m always watching them in the news together but never thought they were really that kind of together. I just came back to Korea, I missed a lot.”

“You were on Thailand all this time but never told me about the girl? I don’t want to offend you but it's a lie right? It's impossible.”

“I missed you”

“Jamie. I’ve seen you and even talked to you a few times… years ago”

“I felt guilty. She needs to meet you doesn’t she?”

“There’s a different reason right? Did something happen?”

“I hate when you know something’s fishy. You win; she's not your daughter”

“Do you need help with her?”

“I don’t want your money. I just wanted to talk." she sat in front of a computer, the one Youngjae used to work with. It was turned off but she was staring at the screen "When I left, I was waiting for you to come after me and you never did. Why?”

“I used to think about it every day. I was so disconnected from the world; I was so disappointed of myself that I thought you could find someone else, someone better than me”

“Huh… But you left me thinking I wasn’t enough for you”

“What?”

“We never talked about it so it’s our fault I guess. When I was packing my stuff you were only staring at me while I was crying. I wished ─I begged─ for you to come and stop me. I wanted that smiley boy to comeback and kiss me just to have a reason to stay. You never did”

“I don’t even know why… All I can remember is me feeling like garbage. Why would you like to be with me again? I was at the bottom of depression when Bambam and Yugyeom saved me. I thought I didn’t deserve them but they stayed with me. They forced me to wake up and to keep doing music.”

“For me it was clear: you didn’t love me at all”

Youngjae kept quiet thinking his words, what could he say? Youngjae had in mind specific words but none of them sounded correct. He usually could say what was on his mind but this time. This time he was caution to not hurt her more than he did before.

“Jamie…” he started. “I did love you. I asked you to marry me for a reason. It was, wow, almost 10 years ago? Let me ask you. Do you really want me back now?”

“Hell no” she laughed.

“I wasn’t expecting that much honesty” he also laughed.

“I got married, again”

“No way!”

“Yes. But I keep thinking about you and he doesn’t deserve it. I told him what I feel and he told me to look for you to clear things up”

“I’m really sorry Jamie, we both got hurt but sincerely I regret nothing. I mean now, now I regret nothing. I could say a few months back I didn’t wanted even to be alive, my friends were getting married and I was going to be alone again, I was so close to give up on everything. I published one of my songs online and it blew up, I was happy; there was people listening to my songs and enjoying them, I got to work in music again and I was getting money out of it to pay the bills. And I meet someone”

“Mr. Sexy-Shoulders in the living room?”

“Yes.”

“What? I was joking! How old is he? I thought… You know what? Don’t tell me”

“I also couldn’t believe it. I was so confused at the beginning” Jimin was looking at him straight at his eyes, she used to do that to check if the male was lying of joking and she got surprised when he indeed was telling the truth.

“So that’s why it didn’t work, you’re gay holy shit!”

“I-I wouldn’t say…”

“Of course! That’s why Junhong…”

“Wait what?”

“Never mind. I’m saying that it makes sense” she stood up. “You know? I feel so relieved, I was so worried” She was quiet until her tears started to fall on his cheeks. “Can you forgive me?”

Youngjae hugged her guiltless “What are you saying? I’m the one who failed you”

**“I forgive you”**

Youngjae felt free saying: “Me too”

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

“Call me anytime, you can count on me if you need something” Jamie said.

“The same goes for you. I’m sorry he felt sleep…” Jaebeom was snoring with his arms on the table, probably while talking to the kid he felt tired after all the work he did that day.

“Don’t have kids, please” she said and both laughed.

“Mom?” Little Mimi spoke “I look everywhere and daddy was not home”

“Should I introduce myself?” Youngjae asked.

“Look Mimi, he’s Youngjae. He's a friend.” Mimi look at him and she ended up crying.

"Jaeboom-Oppa said he's his boyfriend. I want to be Jaeboom-oppa's girlfriend."

"Jaeboom-oppa is too ugly for you darling" her mom said.

"No! I want Jaeboom-oppa"

"What if..." Youngjae spoke shyly trying to calm her down. "What if you come back in another day? You're always welcomed. For now let's Jaeboom-Oppa sleep" Jimin snorted Youngjae looked ridiculous.

“Oh! By the way…” Youngjae’s ex-wife looked inside her purse and pull out a box. “I also came because I needed to give you this back; you were the one who bought it after all”

 

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

“Jaebeom?”

“Mimi, no” he said somnolent. "I'm sorry your daddy is my boyfriend".

“Jaebeom, It’s me” Youngjae kept trying to wake him up.

The younger male opened his eyes and Youngjae was right in front of him. He smiled until he remembered the little girl “Mimi? Mimi!?”

“They left already”

“What? Shit. Did I… I-I’m so sorry, where…?”

“Don’t worry, they’re fine”

“Youngjae…” both males were kneeled in front of the couch. The taller one threw his arm to hold Youngjae’s and to look at him dead serious. “Don’t worry for me. If you need to take care of her just go”

Youngjae was surprised “Are you serious? What’s going to happen with GOT7?”

“I’ll take care of them”

“What about you?”

“I… I can deal with it. Don’t worry for me”

“I can’t do it.”

“Yes you can. I understand you have duties to take care of. I mean… You can always count on me, if you want to be back with her you have all my support.”

“Even if it hurts you?”

“Even if… Even if it hurts me. I don’t have right over you”

 

Youngjae smiled at him, he was being too cruel with the younger man. Why he had to be like this always? He pulled him with his arms over his broad shoulders and dissolved the distance between them until they kissed.

“I’m impressed” Youngjae said. “It’s just… What were you thinking!? She’s just a kid! How could you let her all alone?”

 

Jaebeom was so embarrassed and continued regretfully whining while Youngjae was laughing and explaining all what happened with Jimin and the little girl. They talked about Youngjae’s past, Jaebeom was so curious and Youngjae’s answered as many questions as he could. He was finally comfortable enough to say everything.

 

“I was taking care of her but she started to sing and… that’s all I can remember”

“You must to be tired, let's go to sleep”

“I wanted to have sex” he kept complaining.

Youngjae snorted “I’m tired physically and mentally. What if we fell asleep mid-through it?”

“I’m strong! I can take all what you have”

“Now you’re delusional” he chuckled.

 

They could try; Youngjae thought when he took off Jaebeom’s shirt and when he took off his own pants. Maybe it wasn’t a bad idea; Youngjae thought with his lips over Jaebeom’s neck. He wished for more energy to keep his mind awake.

 

As expected they didn’t get too far. Anyway, there was something missing after all.

 

 


	13. What should I do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's more happier than expected... Or maybe not.

 

It was early in the morning when Youngjae woke up, the first thing he saw was chest-naked Jaebeom sleeping with his face on the pillow. Youngjae wondered « Is okay to think he’s handsome when sleeping? » Youngjae smiled hoping this dream would never end, hoping this time he could make the right decisions, hoping he could have a happy ending with him.

He sat on the bed and took his phone to talk to the boys, he read the conversation and understood what happened immediately since Jinyoung and Jackson talked to him previously. He made a plan to talk to them and support them in whatever they wanted. He wanted the same for Jaebeom; he thought of talking to all of them and to clear things up.

He messaged the boys and they replied not as he expected. They left the group giving Youngjae no chance to explain himself. Mark just said he was on his way there to talk.

He was so close to call Jackson and Jinyoung to try to talk until one notification got to his phone. He saw the new; a rumor or Choi Youngjae dating a young man. He was fine, it was just a rumor from an unknown fansite… then more and more websites started to talk about the topic, he was being mentioned asking for explanation and/or declarations. The internet was powerful, in less than 15 minutes his name was trending in that social platform with his and Jaebeom’s face. First about the dating, then about Jaebeom and his situation at court about sexual abuse and them linking him to it, then about him slandering at the company who stole his songs… Why everyone acted like they knew him?

Jaebeom’s hand squeezed Youngjae’s thing under his big shirt. The worried man by reflect pushed the young male strongly. He felt bad.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean… I’m not…”

“Isn’t normal right? My fault; it’s the first time I hold you like that”

“Jaebeom…” He was not ready to tell him. How could he? “Jaebeom, what if you go back to college?”

“What? Why so sudden?” Jaebeom’s chest was still uncovered so Youngjae put a pillow above him.

“It’s important; you need it if you want to be professional. Also I think… we need to take a break”

“Hold on, what’s going on?”

“I need you to be prepared”

Youngjae explained what was happening. He showed him the news and all what they were talking about him. His first impression was the same as Youngjae thinking it was not that serious, but almost an hour later and his name was still on trending. He explained him about the two members who needed to leave the group. Jaebeom felt bad obviously because it was him who made them get into the group, he talked to Youngjae of how horrible could it be to have that pressure, he never stopped to think about it.

“You seem calm; more than expected”

“I won’t fix anything if I freak out right now. I just don’t know where I should start. If we tell them we are dating it will be a problem for Bambam and Yugyeom. Just imagine: we are a gay couple in a survival show and my best friends are the producers. I’m so sorry, they found out about your past and now they think I’m that psychopath.”

“Tell them we are not dating”

“Should I? Why do I need to give them explanations? I not even an idol. I don’t belong to them. I don’t…”

“Why are you crying then?” it was more like sobbing with a few tear drops wanting to fall from his eyes. Jaebeom wiped them up.

“Before all this I was just thinking about us and if it will really work. It’s a bad joke”

“I trust we could get over this” the young man kissed him fleetingly. He knew it wasn’t the moment to try something else but there shouldn’t be a problem to wanting him closer.

“Mark” Youngjae said into his mouth.

“What?”

“No, no” he sensed the crescent rage from his chin, Youngjae smiled. “Mark it’s coming, we talked earlier and he wanted to come and talk about Jackson and Jinyoung. We need to get dressed”

“I don’t want to”

“Well… He’s your friend you know him better I don’t care. Should I meet him with no pants?”

“No! Okay, okay. I’ll put my shirt on”

“Okay. I need to use the bathroom, meanwhile please get ready”

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

“Youngjae-hyung. We’re really sorry!” both boys were bowing at him. Jackson and Jinyoung were at his house before Mark. They got there worried about the news and they wanted to clarify it was not them who spread those rumors.

“They’re nuts right now!” Jackson said with his hands in the head. “I can’t believe they’re asking you to leave the group.”

“Tell us and we would do anything to help you, Youngjae-hyung” Jinyoung assured.

 “I just need to clarify everything but they would not like to hear I’m indeed with him. I really want to shove it into their faces but…”

“Really?” Jaebeom was surprised.

“M-maybe… Just because I’m mad that’s why I think it’s incorrect”

 

Youngjae’s cellphone rang; it was Yugyeom on speaker with Bambam driving “ _Don’t go out right now_ ” the younger of them spoke, “ _We wanted to go there with you but your front yard is plagued with reporters and photographers. What is wrong with them? You like someone what’s the big deal?_ ” Yugyeom was cutely mad, Youngjae was getting sick of smiling but he couldn’t help it with him.

“It’s about your company; they could think you have favoritism in me”

“ _What if I am_??”

“Yugyeom you know what that means; it’s not fair.”

“ _Okay, it’s not favoritism… It’s, I just wanted to see you happy again. Tell me you’re not happy with them!_ ” he was in the border of crying.

“I am. You didn’t have to do all this for me though”

“ _I’m sorry…_ ” he cried.

“I’ll think a way out. Go home and take care of Coco, please”

“ _Yes, hyung_ ”

“Talk to you later, bye”

 

“Now there are people out there? Shit we shouldn’t have come” the fencer said.

“One way or another they would have found me you don’t have to worry. I think now I know what to tell them so it’s better like this.”

“What are you going to tell them?” Jinyoung was curious.

“The truth; I’m not an abuser, I was scammed by those who stole my songs, I was dating Jaebeom, I was going to help you at the survival show and I’m not going to do it anymore”

“Was?” Jaebeom mumble to himself, nobody but Youngjae heard him.

“What do you mean?” Jackson asked loudly confused.

“If you leave the group, there’s no reason to stay” Jinyoung pointed even if he wanted to get off from it in the first place. His mixed feelings were showing in his eyes. “Are you going to give up on us?”

“I won’t say it was a mistake because I truly enjoyed being with you. I want them to be mad for the correct reasons. I’m still thinking about it but this seems to be the best way out. What do you think, Jaebeom? What should I do?”

It wasn’t a question for him because he didn’t have to come through this, none of them actually. He just needed to hear his voice. All of this was Youngjae fault. He had a plan with no feelings and at the end he didn’t even notice how much attached he was to them.

“This is just ridiculous” Jaebeom was right. “I don’t know yet but there must be something we can do…”

Jaebeom’s phone rang; it was Mark. “ _Turn on the local TV in the news, Zelo is talking about Youngjae_ ”

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

“I need to clarify this matter since I was involved in it. I can say Choi Youngjae, he is a great friend. I met him almost 10 years ago at the company we used to work. That company treated us well until one financial mistake and then all went downhill. They started to pressure their employees to finish the works in impossible timelines or we would get fired. The company was at 20 minutes by foot from Mokpo center, we were only 7 employees including our singers and instrumental players and we thought we didn’t have other place to go so we were scared. Youngjae was the only one who raised his voice defending us.”

Junhong was talking in front of a bunch of reporters, cameras and microphones. He was right in front of Youngjae’s house. He tweeted about the location where he would offer a press conference, telling them he had a confession to make. There he was dressed formal but lightly because of the hot weather, with him was some of his students and more other adults who Youngjae recognized as ex workmates also Park Ji-min together with his daughter. Zelo continued talking:

“It was me. I stole Youngjae’s music back then” the public gasped dramatically. “I saw how poorly they treated Youngjae since he was the only one facing them and I did nothing to help him, so it’s also my fault. I knew the bosses were awful but I didn’t believe my friend Youngjae when he told me they were stealing their work. One night I exchanged my music sheets with his and wrote my name on them. I wanted to confirm if they had any preference and Youngjae was right: they accepted my work and rejected Youngjae’s one without even looking at them. They fired Youngjae and then they used that rejected music sheet. I felt awful and angry at the same time. Youngjae told me and I didn’t believe it. He must be thinking a way to sacrifice himself and save his friends and I won’t let him do it.”

“The company CEO, Mr. PokSang, died from a heart attack the next year after that” Jimin spoke. “That’s why this was never at the news, only locally; that’s why you might know nothing about it. That’s why we are all here. I know Bambam and Yugyeom Kim-Bhuwakul. They were also our workmates, they were the first ones to follow Youngjae-hyung and then we followed them. We were scared of the future but they gave us hope to continue our own lives out of that hell of company. We own our lives to them, we have better lives than we could ever imagine thanks to them. We are here defending their names”.

 

Youngjae was touched. There were more people talking about him, what Zelo did to reunited them that fast? Did he pay them to talk that nicely of him, what was the trap? Maybe, just maybe there was no trick and they honestly were praising him. Maybe all this time he had been that blind or scared of what other could think of him when in reality they were also scared to talk to him. Youngjae laughed. He kept laughing when Jackson and Jinyoung got closed to hug him, he was still laughing when Jaebeom got him also in his arms. He was crying when he realized how many people actually cared about him.

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

“Mark, please pass me the potatoes” Jinyoung asked with a piece of bread on his mouth.

“Jackson-ah, use a fork please” Jaebeom scolded him.

“Jinyoung-ie, there’s ketchup on your cheek” said Mark giving him a tissue.

“Bambam, is it really necessary to have the camera on the table? Youngjae-yah! Tell him something!”

“Yugyeom, if he doesn’t hear you what makes you think he would hear me?”

“Bambam loves his camera more than Yugyeom apparently” said Park Jimin.

“That’s not true! Yugyeom I, I…” he couldn’t say it. Yugyeom knew it anyway.

“Good to know they’re still the same” Junhong laughed. “Also Jimin, it doesn’t look how old is she but she’s still like a witch”

“You too, Junhong” Jimin looked at Zelo with an evil smile “why don’t you tell Youngjae you were in love with him 8 years ago huhuhu”

All of them were at the married couple place. A week later after the improvised but successful press conference Youngjae had right after Junhong words at the TV news. He clarified he was not the person involved in an abuse assault. He thanked all his ex-coworkers help and clarified one last thing.

“He’s Jaeboom-oppa boyfriend” Mimi said with a piece of chicken in his mouth. “Jaeboom-oppa doesn’t love anyone else” the little lady whined.

“He said otherwise at the press though” Jaebeom pouted. Youngjae said he was not dating Jaebeom, he said they’re just knowing each other and if at some point they get to be together, that was not a public matter.

“You can be mad at me but I’m telling you right now…” Bambam mocked him like in a drama.

“My personal life is not public” all of them said at the table laughing after it.

“I said the truth! Jaebeom and I did not have dated, like a real date yet. S-so… It wasn’t a lie” Youngjae smiled with pink cheeks. Jaebeom was totally red.

 

Youngjae was really hoping nothing could happen to them from now on. They still have to win a survival show after…

 

 

 

 

“Come with me to America. A huge agency wants to hire you” after the party, when they were alone Junhong threw him a bomb. “It can be after the show, probably November, but he needs affirmation a soon as possible”. Youngjae was not sure what could happen after all.


	14. What about New York?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEX FINALLY
> 
> Please remember this is fiction. I tried my best to write as I like.
> 
> Sigh... I'm not the best for this kind of action, I'm still learning so feel free to point out my faults about the writing. I'm more than happy to take your advices.  
> Tell me if the wait was worth it or if I should improve more skjdfalk

 

“So your ex-wife, your ex-secret-admirer and your current lover boy together in one place” Bambam was teasing Youngjae. It was the end of their dinner. Everyone was saying goodbye.

“Can you shut up?”

“You know I can’t” he laughed. “I noticed back then he was kind with you but I never thought… Well, I never thought Yugyeom was in love with me in the first place”

“You were the one whipped for him”

“My point is I never notice it”

“You were too busy denying your feelings” it was Youngjae’s try to revenge.

“Looks who’s talking of denial!”

“Ok, shut up”

They could’ve teased each other all night but Jaebeom interrupted them. “Youngjae” he whispered into his ear “Can I…?”

“Yeah, I was expecting it”

“Thanks, I’ll be upstairs” he kissed him on the cheek, Youngjae complained and Jaebeom ran upstairs.

“What was that?” Bambam was so curious.

“He has been staying with me these days. Nothing serious we just like to talk”

“Sure…”

“Yes only that. Now get out of my house”

“Yeah, you need some privacy to make some noise up there!”

“Get out!”

“Okay, okay! Just let us now about… you know. Are you still going to perform?”

“Yes, I’ll let you know”

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

 

“Come with me to America. A huge agency wants to hire you” after the party, when they were alone Junhong threw him a bomb. “It can be after the show, probably November, but he needs affirmation a soon as possible”.

“What? Junhong what the heck? How did they…?”

“I wanted to tell you since last week but you’re never alone. I mean, I didn’t know how you would take it. I talked to them about you, I showed them your portfolio and they were amazed.”

“I don’t know what to say.” He was thinking. “I can’t believe it, another Korean agency…”

“It’s an American branch, Youngjae. New York.”

“N-New, New York!?” he almost fainted. “What’s the job about?”

“Come with me to my studio, I’ll show you my workplace”

“I wish I could, I mean Jaebeom is waiting…”

“Just for a moment”

That’s how Youngjae got into Zelo’s car driving downtown to Zelo’s workplace. “Shit, Jaebeom. I didn’t tell him. Let me text him”

The old man grabbed his phone and texted Jaebeom quickly. As he assumed, he was mad, more like protective and he had right to be. “ _And old man gets into ex-workmate’s car, who used to be in love with him_ ” what was he thinking? There’s nothing bad either, it’s not like he wasn’t able to stop him if something goes wrong. Jaebeom was mad but he understood and was agree for him to know this mysterious job. Youngjae told him a cheesy “I love you” by text and that made Jaebeom more than happy.

 

They reached the building, a huge one like a normal school would be with tall walls with huge crystal windows. It was 10pm almost 11 and the place was empty, Junhong pulled out the door keys and then both were inside.

“Would you like to take off your coat?” Zelo offered.

“No, thank you”

“Oh, come on…”

“Just show me the job”

“Ok. Sorry”

Junhong talked to him about his job. He was a teacher; he was an idol trainer basically. His students needed to follow a strict sing and dance practice schedule. Most of them are required by agencies even before finishing the training by how well they look, act, dance or sing. Other might just complete the program and go to find jobs by themselves.

“Do you want me to be a teacher like you?” not like Youngjae didn’t like a job like that but he didn’t have that much experience or patience, he thought.

“Fortunately for you that’s not the case. The New York branch is in charge of so many kinds of artist and there’s one interested on you. Do you know Gunshot Shelter?”

“You know I do, we went together to their last…”

“Francis (Gunshot Shelter vocalist) died some years ago, you probably know it. His son, Francis Jr. heard of you as a counselor and wants to meet you; he wants to make your music.”

“No way! I mean what? How?”

“He wants to use your songs but first he wants to meet you”

“I can’t believe it…” Youngjae was really happy, neither in his wildest dreams he would never imagine himself working together with a big artist. But there was something fishy about this… “Why did you bring me here then?”

“Oh… I just wanted to be with you. Like the old times, remember?” Zelo wanted to hold Youngjae’s arm, Youngjae didn’t let him stepping back.

“I remember we were friends, nothing else”

“Youngjae, I regret I never told you before but…”

“I don’t want to hear it” he interrupted quickly making him look upset.

“I’m, I’m sorry”

“Don’t be sorry…” Youngjae sighed. “I don’t know what could have happened back then but now…”

“There’s someone else” Youngjae stood in silence.

Zelo’s words made something in the divorced old man; a lot of thoughts invaded his mind making him confused and clear at the same time. He was so sure about his feelings and he was so sure he was right about his principles until that question. What if that was the reason? He was so sure for his love for Jimin back then. He used to think liking someone was enough to be an entire life with that person like: we get along together is not going to be hard spending a life with you. Now he was feeling something new; something he never felt before.

“Oh God…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I need to go back home” he said smiling.

“What? I… I’m sorry, please think about the job. I just showed him your portfolio I did nothing weird”

“I’ll do it. I’ll think about it. Now I just really need to go back with Jaebeom” he felt like crying of happiness, it was hard to explain and even harder to stop it.

“Alright, I’ll take you there”

“No. Uh… Take me to a bus station”

“Don’t be crazy, it’s midnight already; it will be faster on my car”

“Please, I… I need to text him. Take me to a bus station or I could walk anyway”

“I’ll take you…” Junhong was obviously confused.

Youngjae ran quickly into the car, he was driven to the nearest bus station and after the concerned look of his old workmate he said everything was fine. He said his goodbye and promised him he would think about the work offer and then call as soon as possible. The car left him alone, he only with his phone tapping fast to call Jaebeom and then wait for him.

In fact, Youngjae wasn’t thinking in the job at the moment. Of course it was a good opportunity for him and his career but now finally there was something more important in his life. He was feeling silly because it was for his ex-workmate who made him realize about this kind of feeling. Part of him felt guilty for a second but none of that mattered at the end. He was anxiously excited waiting for Jaebeom at the bus station. He was getting nervous what if he was incapable to say it. What if it wasn’t true and it was just the heat of the moment?

After all he was going to risk it.

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

 

Jaebeom arrived at 1 AM, he drove Youngjae’s car as fast as he legally can and when Youngjae got up in the car, he was grateful nothing happened to him. There were no cars so he turned off the engine and then turned his body to look straight to the elder one “It’s freaking midnight, Youngjae, what were you thinking? What was that Junhong thinking?? I was so worried for you! I almost pass a red light on purpose”

Youngjae smiled, he wanted to say it but his throat felt stuck.

“Tell me what happened. Did… Did he try to kiss you of something?”

“No”

“Why did he just leave you here then? I’m so upset, Youngjae. Don’t smile like that” Youngjae felt like crying.

“It’s kind of dumb…” he mumbled. His hand went to hold the others’ tightly.

“If it’s because of the job, go ahead and take it” Jaebeom hold him tightly too, looking into his teary eyes and looking for an answer he would never guess.

“Please, kiss me”

“No…” Jaebeom whispered like a tender lullaby to calm down a scared kid. Jaebeom was strong; he wanted to be strong for Youngjae. To making him feel like he had nothing to worry about. “Tell me, what’s the job about?”

They let go of each other’s hands and Jaebeom started the engine one more time. Smoothly he drove for the streets again giving Youngjae time to think his words. He was waiting for him to say the obvious words and he was going to be as supportive as possible because that’s the best he can do to pay him back.

“Francis son wants to work with my songs”

“Francis? Who—Wait. Francis from…?”

“Gunshot Shelter, yes!”

“OH MY GOD, YOUNGJAE…”

“LOOK AT THE ROAD” he said pushing his face back at the road.

“Shit, yes.” He did his best to focus on the front. “So… that’s why is in New York. So… Is that the reason you’re crying? Can’t you decide?”

“It’s not like I can’t…”

“Don’t worry about us. Unfortunately they won’t be able to go for the show and that hurts honestly but I don’t care anymore if that’s better for you. It was almost half a year ago when I decided by myself I wanted to start an idol band and my friends wanted to help. Now I feel like I need to return you all the favor. I’m feeling happier than ever having you and the boys and your friends by my side. It’s time for me to let you guys go”

“Jaebeom…” they stopped in front of Youngjae’s house. Suddenly it felt so empty and neither of them wanted to go out of the car.

“I’m not sure what will happen but I will always be by your side. If you want me to be a friend like Jimin-noona is to you then I’ll be. I know you’re confused and I can’t blame you after all the stuff that happened in the past. I can only say I’m happy if you’re happy so… Anyhow, maybe that’s what you need, to go and fight for your career and maybe then you’ll have it more clear if you…”

“I love you, Jaebeom”

“No. It can’t be” that was unexpected.

“I’m sure now”

“No. I’m… I’m trying to let you go, Youngjae. Don’t do this to me”

“I can’t.” he laughed in pain. “Junhong wanted to show me his workplace but it has nothing to do with the job. I asked him then why I was there and he said he wished to have told me early he was in love with me. I thought « _then I wouldn’t have met Jaebeom_ » and it was so clear for me! He tried to hold my arm and it felt so wrong. He did nothing, Jaebeom, but I felt like I needed to be with you so badly”

“That’s so…” Jaebeom laughed nervous looking at his own hands on the wheel.

“When I was with Jimin, we were such a good friends, we knew everything about the other but I never felt like I owe her something. Since the beginning I said things like « _I won’t be that kind of husband who doesn’t let you work_ » I trusted her blindly and that’s why I let her go so easily”

“Youngjae I…”

“Now it’s not like I don’t trust you, I just can’t let you alone. I want to be with you, stay with you because I feel like… I feel like…”

“No Youngjae. I feel so happy I really do. I do…” his voice was cracking down, he wasn’t feeling brave enough to look at Youngjae but the elder took his face using one of his hands and made him turn his face at him. “I love you even more”

“I'm just starting to get used to this feeling but I’m sure I love you more”

“I’ve loved you for longer; I think I have enough experience to say that I love more”

“I’m old; I know when I say I love you more! Don’t you dare to...”

 

They kissed. It was their first kiss knowing they loved each other for real. It was their first time kissing in the outside with the cold air slipping through the windows tickling their nape. None of their previous kisses felt like this one; just for that moment both of them were happy, there was no fears, there was no worries, there was just the same feeling of belonging to each other burning in their chest. There were decisions to be made but just for that moment both decided to forget about it and just enjoy at least until the next morning.

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

Coco was sleeping until the couple opened the door and got into the house throwing their shoes and coats in the entrance. They were giggling like two kids with a grasshopper they found in the front yard and they were having it inside the house without mom’s permission. Coco watched them calmly how they tripped a little in their way up the stairs, she remained unbothered thankfully probably because she perceived no danger.

Their pants, socks and underwear flew to the floor and just their shirts were the only clothes preventing them to be completely naked. Both of them had sex before but it was the first time for Youngjae with another man and it was Jaebeom’s first time with someone who really loves him back. They were kissing and hugging getting to know each other’s bodies.

Youngjae lay down on the bed first followed by Jaebeom who put his legs each beside his thighs, Jaebeom’s body was slim and soft, and Youngjae got to know he really liked to feel his legs. He liked to feel his naked skin under the shirt embracing his waist and also his abs with both hands. The younger one groaned into his ear when Youngjae grabbed him by his dick. He really wanted to be careful; he was a bit excited though. It was nothing weird; it was like grabbing his own dick even if this one had a different texture and length. Then was Jaebeom who grabbed his and yes, that felt weird. He grabbed him by the base and his hand went up until the tip making Youngjae breathe heavy.

“Just wait a bit” Jaebeom softly said leaning his body to his pants to grab the lube and the condom he was reserving for so long ago. Youngjae opened his legs without Jaebeom asking for it, the young male now was up over him face to face, his crotch against Youngjae’s ass.

Youngjae could perceive his doubts, would that be okay? Is this what he wants? Is it okay like this? Youngjae could also see the starving in his eyes, his heavy breathing and red face made him feel desired. Jaebeom was looking into Youngjae’s eyes with an open mouth and a bit of his saliva fell on the elder’s cheek near of his lips. Jaebeom felt sorry until Youngjae used his tongue to clean it. He smiled and laughed because of the surprised face he was making.

“I don’t want to hurt you, so stay quiet” Jaebeom said kindly.

He covered his fingers with lube and explained him what was he going to do. Easy, one finger was on his ass massaging his butthole. It was weird. Jaebeom kissed him to distract him before entering one of them inside. Youngjae felt like breathing was hard. The young one was the experimented one so he let him do as he wanted. Still was weird.

The second one and Jaebeom started to stretch him up. It was so weird, it was so uncomfortable. He wouldn’t lie, Youngjae was getting scared, what it this was not his thing?

The third one was the most painful. He grabbed Jaebeom’s arm to stop it but the taller one kissed him again to put him back on the bed. “Just a bit more, trust me” so Youngjae leaned his head back grabbing the sheets under him.

Youngjae moaned loudly when Jaebeom found the good spot. His body felt like tingling when he removed his fingers and then he lifted his old legs up.

“Jaebeom-ah” he called him whispering.

“Yeah?”

Still whispering he replied “I love you more”

“Oh, you’ll see who loves more to whom” they giggled again. “Now, stop shivering”

“Shut up”

“Grab my neck and don’t let go of me” and that’s what Youngjae did.

Jaebeom’s dick finally went inside him. And again, it was weird, it was weird, it was weird, it was weird, Youngjae was literally breathless until he took it out. Some tears went down from his closed eyes to his pink cheeks.

“Are you ok?” Jaebeom asked.

“Still hurts” he replied hanging from his shoulders.

“One more time”

Jaebeom grabbed him by his waist; he put a pillow under his butt and made him arch his back just a bit. He was more confident this time. He was inside again and Youngjae instead of holding his breathe he exhaled relaxed. His breathing got faster alike the thrusts to his crotch. Jaebeom went in-and-out faster every time.

“Are you ok?” Jaebeom asked panting.

“Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah” Jaebeom went further inside. “Oh, hell yeah”

 

It was the end for the soft Jaebeom and the thirsty Jaebeom came out of his hibernation to drink from Youngjae’s oasis. At the rhythm of the ocean going back and forward at the beach shore. Shooting-stars were falling from their foreheads. They were eating each other’s lips like kids eating sweet strawberries covered by chocolate.

 

“Fuck” it was his hundredth time swearing, Youngjae’s hips didn’t lie moving to ask for more and more. He took off Jaebeom’s shirt and then his own shirt because at that point it was ridiculous to be ashamed of his body. He noticed his fingernails went red from the younger’s back but couldn’t help it, every time Jaebeom’s lips were close to his neck it was like asking him approve for going further one more time.

“Fuck” Jaebeom’s swearing and moaning was making Youngjae combust. Watching him making pleasure faces was the heaven. Having him between his legs was the best place to be on earth. His vision went blurry and his legs itched before a strong spasm on from his butt to his legs. Both of them yelled getting to the peak, first Youngjae making a mess on Jaebeom’s belly, and then Jaebeom falling exhausted above him so both of them got dirty by the cum.

Youngjae smiled at a blushed Jaebeom. He caressed his hair and kissed his wet forehead. Jaebeom kissed him back in the forehead and rested his face on the older man's chest. It had finished, why wasn't they able to go back to normal. Maybe there was no going back for them.

 

The next morning might be the day to regretting doing this, The next morning they could think about their future.

 

At that moment, Youngjae was only thinking “I really love him after all”

 

 


	15. Thank you?

 

A few weeks have passed, plans have been already made, decisions were taken, their ending was near and they were fucking.

As usual they were at Youngjae’s. After a long time for Jaebeom looking college and lawsuit papers and the elder man finishing pending projects; they had each other as a final prize at the end of the day. They both usually went to the house because even if everything was over with YugBam's survival TV show, he was afraid of media. Not because of the rumours, more like the position Jaebeom had with the court and college. He didn't wanted to cause him trouble.

“Stop looking at me” the young man said heavy breathing. Youngjae was over him this time with his legs parted each one beside his thighs and his hands over his abs “You look like a creep with that serious face of yours”

“I like your face” the other one replied naive between moans, as if he was doing nothing wrong “Even more if I do this” Youngjae would’ve never imagined himself getting good at riding a man. In the inside he was embarrassed to admit it but he enjoyed to arc his back to let him in while he grabbed his ass with both hands.

Youngjae liked to watch his moaning face; his closed eyes, the way he licks and bites his lips, his deep breath and how he tries to smile until Youngjae goes down and starts all over again until both of them lose their minds forgetting the rest of the world exist.

 

“Jaebeom-oppa?” he whined.

“It’s 2am, Youngjae, let me sleep”

“I can’t sleep, Jaebeom-oppa…”

“I regret telling you that turn me on”

“Why, Jaebeom-oppa?” he said in the most innocent way possible.

“Stop it, stop it, stop it” they were hugging each other, Jaebeom tighten the grip and kissed him lightly on the lips “I’m so tired…” he said softly with eyes shut

“Are you sure you are younger than me? Show me your ID”

“Shut up” he smiled. “What is in your mind? Are you worried?”

“I’m always worried”

“Why? Tell me your thoughts.”

“Aren’t you worried? What if I find some else who makes me happy?”

“If it makes you happy, I wouldn’t mind” he said half sleep.

“What if you find someone else, someone younger and happier than me?”

“That could be impossible”

“What if!”

“Wouldn’t you be happy for me?” Jaebeom asked.

“I… I would say I’ll not be that happiest person on earth”

“Me neither…” Jaebeom loose a bit their grip and sighed. “Youngjae, we said we won’t talk about this; we will just enjoy it for now, remember?”

“I know…” he got quiet for a moment, a little moment. “Jaebeom?”

“Do you want to go out on a date with me?”

Youngjae was caught out of guard “A date?”

“Yeah, you said we were not dating… Do you want to?”

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

“Don't open your eyes"

"How could I? I'm blindfolded, Jaebeom"

"You know what I mean"

"What do you have in mind, Jaebeom-oppa?" He said obliviously suggesting something else.

"Shut up, Youngjae"

"Jaebeom-oppa, I'm shy..." He chuckled.

 

If only Youngjae wouldn't had heard laughing noises; who knows how far he would've went. Youngjae was quick taking the blindfold off his eyes and finally see... More darkness before a happy music started to play in the background. Matches light popped up to light some candles on a cake Jackson was holding, his always wide smile was shown showered by the orange-yellow light. Jinyoung and Mark joined beside Jackson and then Yugyeom and Bambam behind him.  
  
"Happy birthday hyung!" Yugyeom said back hugging him.

"Go ahead and ask a wish! Something less kinky, please" Bambam giggled amused.

Youngjae hit him on the arm meeting his eyebrows and then put back his attention to the cake. Two candles with the numbers 3 and 1 together. Now he and Jaebeom's age officially gets apart by 10 years. He stared at the cake too quietly for Jaebeom's taste.

"Youngjae?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking... How everything has changed since my last birthday"

"For good, right?" Yugyeom asked rubbing his cheek on Youngjae's head.

"Of course" he replied with a sad voice though.

"Youngjae, don't cr-"

"I love you so much, guys"

No one in the room expected to witness the day when Youngjae would say the "L" word. Not even Jaebeom who had been with him the entire time. Youngjae would apologize later but right on that moment he felt correct to say it so he was feeling free. He wasn't crying, he was feeling stronger than ever. He made his wish and blew the candles, the lights turned on after it.  
  
Now eating cake, they talked about the canceled projects. "I'm still so sorry Yugyeom-sunbaenim" Jinyoung said.

"I want to get mad just because you don't stop apologizing" he answered.

"We understand things happen" Bambam continued, "Disd I feel disappointed? Of course! Do I wish you can quit you duties to be with Youngjae? Hell yeah!"

"Bambam!" Youngjae scolded.

"I'm just saying... I'm just saying I wish things could be as planned"

"Nothing happens as planned I guess" Yugyeom said. "Do you remember when you told me you were in love with me?"

"Nothing happened!" He jumped trying to shut his husband mouth.

"I RAN AWAY!"

"Are you serious?" Jackson was so curious, he hugged Jaebeom excited, like watching a drama.

"Yeah" the elder one helped to continue the story. "He ran to where I was crying, saying he couldn't believe what Bambam just told. He was so happy"

"And you knew it!" Bambam yelled annoyed. "I asked you numerous times if you knew if Yugyeom liked me and you deliberately told me to fuck off and ask him myself"

"Bambam felt so hurt. He thought Yugyeom was rejecting him and he cried thinking our friendship was over." Youngjae said. "He disappeared for two days and neither of us could find him until he showed up at my house. Yugyeom was there with me worried to death and when he saw Bambam's face he ran faster than light into his arms"

"OH MY GOOOODNEEEESS" Jackson high-pitched squealed with some tears on his eyes. Mark offered a tissue and Jaebeom removed a bit to be nearer Youngjae. Jackson was chocking him by his arm on his shoulders.

"I asked him to get married. End of the story" Bambam pretended to finish there.

"Such a lie" Jinyoung said slurping the cup of beer he had on his hands. He was so amused and drunk.

"What did you say, brat?" Yugyeom jumped his voice getting a smile from the boy.

"I leave them alone, they talked, few months later they decided to get married and I was so agree; no one else in this world could be able to tolerate each other as much as they do." He laughed. "They planned the whole thing in 6 months, they got married and here we are".  
  
"Then Jaebeom-hyung and Youngjae met each other" Jackson was crying, not drunk but like if he was because of the emotional voice. "And now he... He..."

"He will go away!" Jinyoung smashed his cup over the table, it was a plastic one fortunately. "He will abandon Jaebeom to pursue his dream! Jaebeom-hyung doesn't want to say it but..."

Jaebeom interrupted him by throwing a cup of water to his face. It wasn't the best way but it was the only way in a desperate attempt to shut him down.

"Don't hear him" Jaebeom apologized.

"Just tell him the truth" Mark surprised everyone asking Jaebeom to be sincere.

"It's... It's not the time. I... I don't want to ruin your birthday"

"It's already ruined if you don't want to talk" Youngjae was mad.

The room got silent. All of them including Jinyoung were silent just watching the couple. Jaebeom had no guts to see him at the eyes. "Jaebeom, I thought we talked..."

"We never talked about it!"

"What do you mean?"

"I... I fully support you in whatever you want to do. I just… what about me? We... We haven't talked about what's going to happen to me. Do you...? Am I...? Oh God, I feel so spoiled. I'm sorry it's not like... I just should..."

"Come with me" Youngjae offered his hand for Jaebeom to take it.

He took it obliviously.

 

───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

 

He woke up on a warm bed, he didn't recognize it but it was comfortable enough for Youngjae to not worry. He was think though, what happened last night? It was his birthday, he got mad to Jaebeom and they both leaved to his bedroom. They didn't have sex with his friends in the living room, didn't they? He quickly opened his eyes to take a look of the place, everything was too bright so he took a few seconds to adjust his sight. The place was unknown to him, he was completely naked and he sweated a bit thinking the worst. There was a chair near of him with a full white suit and a black tie for his neck. Youngjae got more confused.

"You can wear it, just if you want to" it was Jaebeom smiling. He was wearing a black suit, he adjusted his white tie with his hands and Youngjae was able to see his golden ring. He looked at his own hand and there it was: the other golden ring.

That was right! He gave him the ring to make a promise. Did he already come back? How much time had passed? Did he finished his work with Francis? Did Jaebeom finished college just as he promised? Did Mark have now his own radio station? Did Jackson won the major Olympics? Did Jinyoung get the family business and made the changes he promised he would make?

"Come on Youngjae, you don't want to be late to our wedding"

"Our what?"

"After I died... I waited for you all this time here in heaven"

"You what?"

"Even though you abandoned me..."

"No! I didn't..."

"Even when I tried to reach you, the plane crash..."

"No, Jaebeom!"

"I just wanted to go after you since you didn't wanted to stay with me"

"No, Jaebeom! Jaebeom! JAEBEOM!"

"YOUNGJAE! Wake up! I'm here!"

Youngjae opened his eyes again, this time for real. Jaebeom was up on of him shaking his shoulders with alarmed expression on his face. Youngjae tried to calm down his breathing while trying to understand what just happened.

Jaebeom was wearing the ring, Youngjae took his hand just to confirm and be sure he was real and then kissed his knuckles. Then he noticed they were naked.

"Oh my God, did we had sex with them in the living room?"

Jaebeom laughed "what are you talking about? I know you're nervous for tomorrow's flight but now you're delusional. Are you okay? Do you want some water?"

He was right. Now he remembered everything. Damn it, his flight was tomorrow. The trip to New York was tomorrow. The day he would get apart form him it was tomorrow.

"I'm sorry. I..."

"You had a nightmare. I know. Don't worry, I'm here with you"

"Tomorrow... Tomorrow night I'll have no one" he thought out loud.

"So... You're going to miss me" he grinned.

"Of course" he was unexpectedly honest.

Jaebeom wanted to take advantage "Why is that?"

"What else?"

"Say it, I want to hear it"

"You know it"

"Youngjae... Youngjae-yah..."

"I don't want to say it, Jaebeom"

Jaebeom understood and his smile faded away. He was playing and it went not so good "Sorry" he said softly.

The young man laid back down to the bed and Youngjae followed him laying down over him. They kissed in silence shortly. The older man rested his face on his chest "I want to cry so bad but for some reason I can't"

"It's because you're strong" they were whispering.

"Do you think so?" Youngjae's voice was like a child after an ugly thunderstorm.

"I know it. Look at you, quite a long journey don't you think?"

"I don't feel that brave right now..."

"But you are"

"Jaebeom?"

"Hmmmm?"

"I... I want to say it. I..."

"You don't have to. Tell me when you come back"

Youngjae smiled "I'll do".

  
  
  
───── ♦ ♦ ♦ ─────

  
  
They were hugging each other just as they were doing it this past months knowing this day would inevitable come and even if they knew it, it still hurt their hearts in a really sad way. The pain inside the arms where Youngjae was wrapped on was strong. All the memories since day one started hit him in the chest.

When they first met at the wedding he could've never imagined someone like him would be that important to his life. How he just smiling and telling a little lie made him curious enough to accept his phone number. And how he struggled deciding if he should called him or not. Why was he so scared? He didn't know a day like this will come. Why is he not scared if him anymore? His heart wanted to stay with him forever and live in a cardboard box if it was necessary fortunately his brain still worked and that side of him was making the decision to go for the job in America and then come back for him.

When he called him for the first time in the middle of a breakdown and how just his voice made him calm his nerves and made him arrange their first not official date. He was a scary cat and he still believed no one would ever be interested on him so that's why it was so weird to see Jaebeom so stubborn upon him.

He was just a kid to him. He wanted to protect him from this cruel world and he ended up being protected by his noble heart. He wanted to save him and he was saved from himself multiple times.

"I guess... Life's not always as planned, after all" Youngjae sighed. They were hugging for a while now. "I regret nothing, Jaebeom"

"Just go, Youngjae, please"

"Jaebeom..."

"Did you packed all?"

"Jaebeom"

"Did you packed enough hot packs? It's really cold in America"

"Listen to me Jaebeom"

"Did you packed enough scarfs?"

"Jaebeom!"

"I don't want you to say it now..."

"Thank you, Jaebeom"

"Fuck, Youngjae"

 

Again they kissed and it felt like the first time. This past months were by far the best of his life. That time they shared at Youngjae's old house, the first time he truly felt brave to try and dream. He was still trying to be positive and trust everything will be alright. He was so thankful for Jaebeom's existence. For the time he took to understand him and the patience to make him feel loved.

 

"Thanks for our first official date. I had my doubts to be honest, I never thought I would have so much fun at an art museum"

"They almost kicked us out because we were to loud" Jaebeom laughed.

"Thanks for taking me to watch some movies"

"I'm sorry to fall asleep"

"Thanks for making me feel beautiful. Damn, Jinyoung does a good job with that camera. Tell him to don't give up even if it's only a hobby"

"I'll tell him"

"Thanks for taking me to the beach. Tell Jackson thanks for getting us a private one, he's so good with people, he'll do so well on whatever he decides"

"I'll sure do"

"Tell Mark thanks for taking care of Coco"

"I'm sorry for not being good with dogs..."

"Thanks for everything, Jaebeom. You can take care of that man and put him in prison. Then you can take care of college. You can do it, Jaebeom. I trust you. I'm so thankful for meeting you and for you talking to me first. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you"

"Shut up and go"

They didn't kiss again or else they wouldn't have let go from each other. It was hard enough to let go of their hands and even more to watch Youngjae go through the airplane gate. Youngjae did the right thing, right? He wasn't saying good bye just one _**See you soon**_. It was when the airplane was on the air and Youngjae looked through the little window at the airport when Youngjae let all his sadness out. His eyes bursted into waterfalls and horrible sobbing forgetting the fact he was afraid of heights. Youngjae waited to be all alone, without his friends, without the man he loved, without the sight of the people he really care about because he was so sure it was the correct decision and didn't want anyone to tell him "Are you sure?" or he would regret it.

 

Someday they'll find their paths together again. Maybe. If by any chance God is good with them. Youngjae for the first time thought "because I deserve it after all".

 

 


	16. EPILOGUE

Remember when you told me how grateful you were because you met me? When I was holding you in my arms pretending you were going to stay with me forever? I was shaking inside wanting to explode my heart in words to tell you to not go. To tell you the three words none of us dared to say before even if we were more than sure about our feelings. Nothing came up through my lips neither of yours. If you would’ve told me anything, just one little clue for me to take you out of there and run until the sun reach the horizon, I would’ve done it. I did nothing neither you did.

I saw you cross the gate, then you got on the plane and you didn’t look back. I was so proud of you; you were stronger than me. You were making the decision to go after your dream and why wouldn’t you if I was the one pushing you far away from me. It was clear the trip was the biggest opportunity of your life. I couldn’t stop you.

I was left alone looking at the window saying goodbye to the airplane. I stood there watching it until it disappeared at the distance in the clouds. I felt so empty, there was going the love of my life and I was allowing it.

When I met you, I truly felt so attracted to you. I can say it sincerely now. You had something that I wanted. I thought it was a simple crush like the ones you feel for a celebrity, someone you would never reach and even if it hurts you still love them because their bare existence makes you happy. I was not wrong, watching you smiling right in front of me made me feel so alive, talking to you felt like a dream and having you for the first time in my arms felt like a blessing.

I believed in a God who wanted me only to suffer, after one mistake against my parents (I disobeyed them) I believed I deserved completely to be punished in all the possible ways. I felt like crap and no one deserved to have someone like me in their lives. I thought my life had ended and I only deserved to live with that man who taught me the wrong way to love. Even after I got out of there, I was still thinking that my destiny was marked by disgrace.

You wanting to protect me it was unbelievable. I was the one who wanted to keep you in a crystal ball and you ended up breaking the glass to open my eyes and make me understand how brave you were and how I also needed to be brave for us.

That’s why I felt like I betrayed you when I let you go. If I regret one thing, it was not being able to go after you sooner.

The next months after you left I tried to forget about you to focus on the lawsuit against my ex, to have my head clear and provide the enough proof to put that guy on jail. I was not the only one, Jinyoung’s lawyers made a good job finding evidence; they got witnesses who were more than happy to help me to put him on his place. I felt like I was on those TV shows I told you I wanted to be in, that time when we crushed the car and we almost die in the woods at midnight remember?

And we won. That fucker got life imprisonment for all his illegal actions. I was happy again. I did something right since you left. I got the energy to keep putting my life together. I trusted the promise we made with your ring and the ring you gave me.

All the music we did together was still on my computer, I used to play them when I was feeling sad and that surprisingly worked. It made me feel happy because it made me think about you when you were happy. Jinyoung, Jackson and Mark were so surprised about my recovered energy. I told them I was feeling like I was able to do everything and you were my strength to keep moving forward. They supported me in everything and also I did.

You must know it. Yugyeom and Bambam’s show was a complete international success. Not only Korea but also other countries were supporting them unexpectedly. There was only one winner but I can tell all of them got the enough popularity to started new projects after the show ended. I bet it’s your magic that made them being so lucky.

Jinyoung quit college and told their parents he wanted to study art: Photography. They were so mad, you know why; he’s the only boy in the family. We didn’t expect her sister to raise her voice and claim the family business. He fought with his parents restlessly and they finally accepted. Jinyoung help her at the beginning, he was so supportive and of course more relaxed after it. I was proud, the first decision he was making for his own benefit. You probably know about his works by now. He likes to be the boss; he’s now the owner of one of the biggest worldwide magazines featuring from fashion to nature photographs and galleries.

Jackson back then couldn’t make it to the tournament because he got sick a couple of days before. He was over exhausted, the doctors scolded his parents severely because he was on a deplorable state and they had no other way than cancel his participation at the Olympics. After it, when he felt better he told his parents he wanted to be an artist. “Someone who can change the world and bring peace” he said. He did it. He’s now one of the major influencers on Asia and America, he’s still working to reach Europe, Africa and Oceania, but your know him. If he says so, he’ll do it.

Mark was the biggest help for both. He started to stream live his music making sessions including singing and dancing videos. He at the beginning got help from Jackson and Jinyoung and he ended up being the most successful artist in the platform getting to break some streaming world records. That brought him more attention. He stopped hiding his face behind Jackson and Jinyoung, he even got compliments for his perfect face and their viewers started to call him “Flying Host” because of his skills. I got surprised. For how long I was his friend and I couldn’t imagine what he was capable of.

Then there was me alone. I had to go to college but… I didn’t felt right. Did I really want to go there and then comeback home to remind myself you were not there?

No.

After all, I still wanted to be with you.

After all, I still needed you by my side.

After all, I was still feeling empty in my heart.

After all, I was still attached to you.

 

One morning I woke up decided to take the cheapest flight to America. It was crazy, I thought I was losing my mind but Jinyoung was agreeing with me. Jackson was agreeing with me. Mark gave me the biggest and brightest smile and gave me Coco on a special pet bag to bring her with me. I just wanted to say goodbye and Bambam and Yugyeom ended up paying for a good flight ticket for me to come to find you.

I was supposed to finish college to find a good job and then look for him. That was the plan but I couldn’t wait more time. Exactly two years after you left I got brave enough to go after you. I got desperate to have you again near me.

Once in New York: I got lost. I knew it was crazy I barely knew a word in English, I fortunately found a nice lady who spoke Korean and she help me to find a hotel. There at my room I was thinking straight again: “HOW IN THE WORLD I WAS GOING TO FIND YOU?” I knew nothing about the place, I didn’t even knew the name of the company you were working for, I neglected to know because I didn’t want to think of you and probably that was one of the worst decisions of my life.

I was lost. I thought about calling someone to go back to Korea. I was so devastated; I was feeling stupid until I heard your laugh on the radio. You spoke in English but that was definitely your voice. I waited ages until I heart the radios name, I went to the lobby to ask about the address of the radio station and with broken English I asked to a taxi cab to bring me to that place.

I was so happy. I was so fucking happy when I finally saw you. You let your hair grow dark and longer; it was covering your cheeks and hiding your eyes when you were looking down to the screen in front of you. I was out of breath and I almost faint when you look up at me. Like if you sensed my presence. I didn’t care about the people around me. My tears were enough to make you apologize with the host and run out of the recording room to come and meet me.

Nothing in the world would make me forget the warm feeling of being on your arms again. I got chills just to remember how you tried to speak, probably to scold me for being there and not in college but your mouth said nothing because they were inseparable from my lips. Spice with bit of mint breath, lemon shampoo and chocolate body soap; your smell was the same as always.

 

 

“How can you remember every detail? You scare me sometimes” Youngjae spoke while eating cake. They were at a downtown café. It was late but you could see through the big window the snow falling on the street.

“I just can” Jaebeom laughed. “I like to remember it”

“You will never get tired of telling that story, don’t you?” Jinyoung teased him.

“Is there something wrong with it?” Jaebeom complained.

“There’s nothing wrong with love” it was Jackson with a huge piece of cake in the mouth.

“I will never get tired of listen to it” Mark said having old Coco in his arms.

“See?? Times like this I wish Yugyeom or Bambam were here to reprimand you” Jaebeom shouted. All of them laughed afterwards. The mentioned married couple was busy on the other side of the world.

  


All of them were together celebrating Jaebeom’s 26th birthday. Three years have passed since he decided to fly to New York. Best life decision ever, he got a job at the radio where Youngjae was being interviewed that time when they found each other. He got to study music in a small academy in the city and moved with Youngjae.

 

“Youngjae, you have cake all over your mouth” Jaebeom said getting his hand over him to clean his mess

“ **How old do you think I am?** ” The elder man was now 35 years old and was feeling younger that ever working for the biggest music company in the States. His plan was to expand his name more and more and then try to open his own brand.

“ **Do you like me?** Let me take care of you”

“ **Are you crazy?** You look like my mom”

“ **What happened to you?** Are you drunk?”

“ **Do you think I could hurt you?** I'm so close to put a fork on your hand if you don’t put that tissue down.

“ **What's wrong?** Is it too much in front of them? Should we go to the bathroom?”

“ **We should what??** ” Youngjae was blushing, Jaebeom’s mission accomplished.

“I’m just kidding, **did it hurt you?”**

“Yeah, because you like pranks so much, don’t you? Mr. _What do you think about **a threesome?**_ ”

“ **Are you sure?** Do you want to try me?”

” **Are you scared** old man?” Youngjae laughed.

“ **What if it hurts you** the truth?”

“ **What should I do?** Cry a river?”

“ **What about New York?** Do you want this entire city to find out about your kinky desires?”

“What do you want me to say? **Thank you?** Thank you for taking care of me?”

“That would be fantastic” both of them laughed; both of them really liked this kind of fight.

 

What could happen next?

What could possible go wrong?

Is God still mad at them?

Who knows? They will keep trying. They were taking small but strong steps; there was nothing to fear since they were together.

 

 

Life is unpredictable, sometimes it might feel unfair, it might get hard and even like that the choices we make decides everything after all.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END
> 
> Let's cry together TT TT
> 
> I would like to say thank you for reading this fanfic. To the people who was there supporting me and cheering for me to finish this story. To those who told me their opinions even via DM or in the comments I read excitedly every single one of them for motivation to keep writing.
> 
> I hope this doesn't dissapoint you because I know the final turn was so far away from the TV show for example, it was never my intention to put the characters through the competition.
> 
> My main goal was to express how life can change and all your plans can get ruined ONLY if you decide it. Of course something that your don't have control can happen but it's on you to take it bad **OR** to lift your head and kick life in the balls and try again.
> 
> Stanning GOT7 and 2jae has changed my life so much and I could never be more grateful. I will keep growing and changing for good. They're the reason I keep trying to be a good person.
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading.
> 
> See you again soon♥

**Author's Note:**

> How's the story going? Let me know! Is it too cringy? Boring? Is missing something? Do you like it? I wanna know♫♪
> 
> Remember that I have Jaebeom's POV as a Twitter!AU. Is here if you would like to check it out → **[@Mar_sonist](https://twitter.com/Mar_sonist)**
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


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